1) No fighting.
2) No fake fighting, where one of you screeeeeeeeeeeams bloody murder because someone else is doing something you actually secretly love/want them to do/were literally just doing to them 15 seconds earlier.
3) Are you bleeding?
3a) No? You're fine.
3b) Yes? You know where the band-aids are. You're fine.
4) No letting neighborhood kids in our house to play before 7 a.m., oh my God.
5) It's 11 a.m. STOP EATING BREAKFAST.
6) It's 12:01 p.m. FINE FINE I WILL MAKE LUNCH STOP ASKING
7) No interrupting Mom while she's working.
8) Especially to talk about Minecraft.
9) Or to ask if I'm done with work yet, are you done yet, how about now, are you done yet.
10) Anyone who whines about being bored gets to unload the dishwasher, yay!
11) Anyone who claims they're "starving" gets a nice big bowl of vegetables, yum!
12) Unless you are Ezra, who actually will make me get up and make him a nice big bowl of vegetables.
13) Ezra gets my sincerest best wishes on not dying of starvation in the next 45 minutes or whatever.
14) Look, you can stay in pajamas all day if you want but not like, the SAME pajamas every day.
15) No whining about the kiddie pool not having any water in it; the entire backyard is a perma-swamp already, just go doggy-paddle in the grass.
16) Please don't make a huge mess please don't make a huge mess please
17) Please clean up this huge mess.
18) EVERYBODY GO PLAY OUTSIDE.
19) Baths are futile and pointless. I'm glad we're finally on the same page about something.
20) Daily dance parties, on the other hand, are mandatory.
I THANK EVERYBODY IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR COOPERATION.