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June 2015
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August 2015

Whack-a-Squirrel

While Jason is away on business, I have been on full-time PROTECT THE GARDEN squirrel trap duty. (Unripened heirlooms still on the vine. Pretty sure he counted them before leaving for the airport. Maybe sang to them a little bit.) And I do mean full time. I'm not sure what's going on, because we caught like, two squirrels total last year, and maybe about two this year. And then THIS BLOODY WEEK we've trapped a minimum of two squirrels a day, EVERY DAY. (I mean, I've. I've trapped them. Apparently I am just better at it and missed my life's calling.) My kids are running feral and pretty much the only time we leave the house is when we catch a squirrel and need to drive it over the river, through the woods, and across as many big-ass highways as possible in order to guarantee that it won't return. I mean, go ahead and try, you little ratty-fluff-tail garbage animal, but good luck with that. So I don't know. Population boom coupled with an overall IQ drop? Because these things will not stop getting their asses stuck in our trap. We smear peanut butter on the underside of the spring... Read more →


Booming

I have no idea what to write about, because I am having troubled coming up with any string of words or letters or even basic sounds that would come close to what life is like around my house right now. This is the closest I've been able to come: GAHGAHAGHAHFOSDLHJKAWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (needsmoreEEEEEE)KJALZPP;A,K293,A,NA,N>>>"*@#&DKJN I should copy/paste that so I can have it handy for the next person who asks, "So how's it going?" The house is almost ready to sell. Once the dishwasher get repaired tomorrow, because OF COURSE the dishwasher choose this very moment to break. (But it's fixable! And we are getting it fixed! Have no fear, prospective homebuyers. It just needed some little hose-y part replaced and we have ordered a top-of-the-line little hose-y part and will have it professionally repaired by a licensed and bonded hose-y part expert. Spared no expense! We also refinished the deck!) In the meantime, I am literally spending hours every day handwashing a million dishes, instead of tackling the last few to-do items before we list. 1) WASH WINDOWS. 2) HIDE A SHITLOAD OF SHIT IN ATTIC. 3) VACUUM LIKE AN INSANE PERSON. 4) CHUCK ALL THE BIKES/SCOOTERS/SKATEBOARDS INTO OUR NEIGHBORS' BACKYARD, BECAUSE... Read more →