On Sunday morning, the day of our Open House, we woke up to a bedroom full of wasps.
Wasps. Not hornets. We'd already dealt with the hornets.
And now there were dozens of freshly hatched little wasps all over the (Schüco brand, professionally installed in 2007, 10-year warranty transfers to new owner) windows.
This shit is getting BIBLICAL.
We spent the entire morning smashing wasps with rolled-up magazines and vacuuming up their corpses, then went on a fruitless search for the source of this latest plague. We searched the attic, closets, vents, window frames, roof, gutters, trees, you name it. No nest or hive in sight. The wasps simply appeared out of nowhere, were promptly and violently dealt with, and we haven't seen another one anywhere since.
BUT STILL, INTERNET. BUT STILL! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
I'm sorry we hurt your feelings, Townhouse. It's not you! You're lovely. Everyone who has come to see you thinks you're lovely! It's just us. Please. Stop. You've punished us enough. Please don't fall apart or catch on fire or have a million rats fall out of the ceiling like in Ratatouille.
After killing the last wasp, Jason and I just stared at each other like, we give up. Then we loaded the kids in the car and drove off to look at houses.
We toured...let me see...about 15 different places this weekend. Most of them were a quick step into the foyer, a big ol' NOPE, and a circle back out to the car. Others were bizarre enough to hold our attention as we tried to figure out what the HELL was going on with the whacked-out floor plans and questionable renovation decisions, and whether the house was weird in a funky, full-of-potential kind of way or weird in a run-for-your-life-from-this-money-pit kind of way.
Others were just boring. Or too expensive. Or just alllllmost right but not quite, okay let's call this one a maybe and move on. Only to have the cons grow more glaring in retrospect. (Amazing how an oversized jacuzzi tub in the master bath can distract you from the fact that there's not enough bedrooms.)
Point is, we didn't find a new house yet.
Meanwhile, the very first person who toured our house (literally an hour after the listing went live) immediately asked to put an offer on it. We decided to stick with the Open House plan and said we'd review offers today, later in the afternoon.
So far we have four. Sounds like we might get even more, and agents are still calling me asking to get clients in this morning. We've requested a 30-day close so the kids at least have a shot at starting the year at their new schools, which hahaha, we don't even know what schools those are because WE HAVEN'T FOUND A FUCKING HOUSE YET.
On the one hand, all my cleaning and obsessing and decluttering and general crazy-making over the past month clearly paid off. The house looks gorgeous and shows well and sparked a nice little bidding war and YAY. I think this afternoon is going to bring us some very good news, fingers crossed.
On the other hand, I'm totally going to end up in a crazy fixer-upper in the country with magenta shag carpet and not enough bathrooms and a terrible kitchen and like, a barn in the backyard because why not. We container garden so let's just go from that to straight-up farming. Who cares about squirrels and mice and wasps when you have deer and and foxes and ticks!
And hell, given our recent luck, we'll probably end up dealing with bears, or killer bees. And inexplicable sharks.
But at least this morning I did not have to deal with any frogs, locusts, or tap water turning into blood. So maybe things will work out, after all.