41 Seconds of Summer
ALL THE WIRE HANGERS!

The Joys of Owning a Home You Don't Want to Own Anymore

Hi. I'm a wreck.

This moving idea. It's a terrible idea. I think it might be the single worst idea we've ever come up with, and that includes the matching tattoos and that time we went to IKEA just to buy napkins.

It's definitely happening though. We just need to shit to STOP BREAKING. 

The dishwasher managed to turn itself into a Big Whole Saga Thing, because of course it did. The hose-y part took longer to arrive then expected, and on Friday the repairman showed up and was completely unable to pull the dishwasher out, blaming the floors and countertops boxing it in too tightly. His suggestion? Just buy a whole new dishwasher and take a hacksaw to the legs of this one. I managed to not cry in front of him, settling with a long, drawn-out whispered "fuuuuuuck."

Jason came home later, and five minutes later had the stupid dishwasher out. 

It's being repaired, finally and for real, right now. Unless I just jinxed everything by typing that sentence. 

(CTRL-C-ing that shit, then deleting. I will paste it back in once the repairman leaves and I can confirm that yes, it is working. SUCK IT, UNIVERSE.)

(YAAAASSSSS FIXED.)

On Saturday, we met with our agent and finalized the list date and list price and assured her that no, really, we can get everything done and decluttered in time. We are MOTIVATED. We are DETERMINED. We are CLEARLY INSANE. And we immediately got back to work. 

Later that day I hauled not one, but TWO strollers I have zero memory of ever owning to the pile of FREE SHIT PLZ TAKE we have going on the curb, and turned back around to confidently assess the house's curb appeal...

...only to spot a fucking big-ass hornets' nest hanging right outside my office window, because of course there is. WHAT THE SHIT, NATURE. KNOCK IT OFF. 

Yesterday, after a really, really long day of powering through the remaining to-do list items (paint the front door paint all the trim wash the windows mulch weed landscape declutter the kitchen declutter the basement replace lightbulbs)...I pulled up a rubber bathmat in the boys' bathroom and a chunk of the tub's finish came up right with it. BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DID.

Jason described my reaction as "hitting a wall." I'd say, more accurately, it was "having a complete nervous breakdown and crawling into bed to cry for awhile."

Jason wisely took the boys out of the house for dinner while I wallowed in misery over our bizarre string of bad luck, and whether it all Meant Something or was Some Kind of Sign.

(Oh! Also the minivan randomly has a flat tire! BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DOES.

I took a nap, had a glass of wine, then got back out of bed to wash a few more windows and put nicer pillow shams on the boys' bunk beds. Jason brought me some really delicious brisket. 

The dishwasher is fixed. We're getting the tub repaired ASAP. Hornets are getting blasted tonight.

Because we're moving. 

Comments

rebecca

I really think my entire universe could be fixed every day with "took a nap, had a glass of wine." World peace, in fact, is a nap and a glass away.

Zoot

Dude. My house has been on the market for 4+ months now and if it doesn't sell soon I'm going to need to be institutionalized. I'm offering all sorts of thoughts to the universe that yours sells faster than ours. Hang in there.

Becki

When we move - my husband and I have resolved - we DO NOT CARE what the realtor says about staging. Of course we will make sure everything works - but we will not upheave our lives constantly just for the parade of viewers. Luckily we live in an area that first time buyers generally want (we were too busy/lazy/tasked to trade up). But there is no way I am painting, putting away my crap etc just for this. It's not going to make that much difference. It is a HOUSE, people LIVE HERE. If you like the bones/neighborhood/access/price then you will offer. If not - someone else will.

Tricia

Dude I think houses know you're about to sell them to someone else. We put an offer on a house last week that got accepted. Within two days we had a window leak and our septic tank pump go out. The. House. KNOWS.

Suebob

I'm with Becki. I don't understand why everyone fixes up their house nicer to sell it than they ever would have to live in it...and then the new people come and rip all that stuff out anyway.

Shan

Life lesson #497: it's ALWAYS the fucking hose-y part. It is late, backordered, the wrong size, broken, or never arrives at all. But there is always a hose-y part that will fuck things up. Fingers crossed you're done with hose-y bits and get a fast sale!

Credaholic

It's a sign you need to MOVE! Get out of there before it gets swallowed up by a poltergeist (that's how that went, right?)

Also, to the above commenters, I know it's annoying fixing up and staging things but it really will sell your house for more and faster. Instead of trying to keep baby toys in their bins looking half way presentable, we moved out, paid for staging, and then raked in the dough on our sale last year. People are silly, and marketing works.

Elissa

I become unhinged whenever it's time to move, so I feel your pain. But it sounds like you're doing all the right things, and my fingers are crossed that your place will sell quickly. Any chance you can skip town the first weekend it's on the market? We did that and it made life a lot easier . . .

jodi

Moving is the most stressful thing ever. That's why I call this house my pine box house. Because NEVER, EVER AGAIN.

Jannabee

The flipside is this- we sold our house in 2 days, had a bidding war, patted ourselves on the back- and then crap- realized we sold so fast due to low inventory and couldn't find anything that wasn't horrid to move into. Now we're building and living in a townhouse for 5(ish) months with 3 boys and a dog. Don't be like us. Start looking early!!

Ladotyk

Oh man, you need to do a Zero to Forty for selling your home! It's definitely more painful than labor.

Nimble

Go, you frazzled mama, go! It will get done one way or another and you'll be glad to get on to the next chapter. Wishing you the quickest of transitions.

Julie

We were a week away from listing our house last year when my husband decided to smoke some ribs on the deck and, you know, burn a perfectly smoker-sized hole
Into the deck. Like lit it on fire. Moving last time nearly broke me but our life is so much better in our new place. I hope you all get to that point really soon.

Suzy Q

Huggity hug huuuuuuugs.

Carrie

Your husband always sounds like a saint. You always sound like superwoman. You got this.

Joy

Hang in there, Amy. Veteran mover here (husband gets transferred. A lot.) You can do this and all of the work will be totally worth it in the end. Especially all of the ditching of baby stuff, because, trust me, you don't want those things taking up space in your house when Ike is 10. Make your house look tidy. My last house did and sold in 10 days. It matters. Best of luck on a quick sale. I'm rooting for you.

Lindsay

I seriously feel like we're living parallel lives. First with the job shit ("shit"=oh hey there corporate gig where I'm working 80 hours a week and you can't throw enough $$ or accolades my way except my marriage is falling apart, my children are asking me if I'll be home before they go to bed on a regular basis, and I'm having panic attacks in the middle of rush for traffic, yeah, goodbye), and now the moving (although ours is across the entire god damn country . . . shivers). When we went under contract the first time (after pretending like we lived in a model home for ten days rather than living amongst three small penis-having children that have no aim and snack all damn day) our fridge broke . . . the one that costs $2,800 to replace. Thank God Almighty we put a $400 bandaid on that one. And then . . . the buyer fell through because she thought the descriptive that the HOA included "common area landscaping and snow removal" meant she would have her own personal lawn boy to manicure her lawn and shovel her drive, which . . . hahahahaha, whatever lady, I live amongst people who pee everywhere but inside that large bowl it's meant to go in. No pool boys included in this gig. Ten days later after the dog and pony "model home" show resume we go under contract again, and literally, the SAME day, the microwave takes a shit. Don't even get me started about the shit in between. However, we close on Wednesday. As in two days from now. Crossing fingers there are no epic floods or fires in the next 36 hours round' these parts. It's safe to say my liver hates me for the amount of wine I've consumed in the last 60 days. Hang in there and good luck to you. Also, take it from one who is in the trenches and don't assume the attitude "screw your insane pack my house up quote, I can totally do that myself (while three little boys pitter underfoot and I try to tackle work projects)" . . . because that comes with its whole own set of panic attacks.

Barbara

I audibly gasped at "a chunk of the tub's finish" came up, because of course it did! My 15 year old ran over and asked if I was ok...I was actually reliving this particular nightmare on the 1885 claw foot bathtub that we had re-glazed...twice... And I still gotta live with that piece of sh*t tub because I am never gonna reglaze that thing ever again... Ugh do I ever feel your pain... It's true, the house KNOWS... And it TELLS you what to fix and in what order. Passive-Aggressive a-hole house!!

Leslie in MA

We had to get a new refrigerator when we were selling our house. I had just stocked up on ice cream too!

Then the upstairs toilet decided to leak a little around the seal and leave a nice water stain on the kitchen ceiling. Open concept house means you just can't paint the ceiling, you have to call in a painter to blend the new paint in.

And a tree fell, taking a part of the stockade fence with it. Call the tree service to come and chip that tree and all its branches out of my sight and implore the fence people to come quickly. Of course it wasn't just one section of fence either, it was three 8-foot sections with posts.

I feel your pain.

Sarah the P

When we sold my house, we had to replace the sewer line; then the jackhammering cracked the water heater; then replacing the water heater caused the pipe to let exhaust into the basement so that had to be replaced too. A week before closing. And I was a week overdue. I went into labor that day.

RzDrms

Wait... Y'all don't like your matching tattoos?! I thought they were so awesome! <3

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