The Pinkeye That Ate Christmas
The Christmas Tree That Momentarily Distracted Me From The Pinkeye

The Pinkeye That Ate Everything

I am not actually posting this. I am supposed to be staying off screens and laptops and basically anything that could like, add an eyeball sprain to my long list of woes. But I tried to do a post using the voice-to-text thingie, but apparently my TOTALLY ENDEARING and NOT ANNOYING grammatical quirks and enduring love for run-on sentences and parentheticals and CAPS LOCKINESS just don't translate that well and none of the transcription made any sense.

Although, I make no higher promises for this typed-out version either because I can barely see what I'm typing, much less the red squiggly spellcheck lines. 

Oh, Internet. I am still doing quite poorly. I had a small boost on Wednesday, partly morale/relief-based after knowing that some of the scarier diagnoses (orbital cellulitis, uveitis, etc.) were finally off the table, and partly because of a procedure I had done on Tuesday that made my feel better, but was literally grosser than EVERYTHING PREGNANCY/CHILDBIRTH RELATED put together, and yes, that's including the mucus plug. 

(Things You Should Not Google, Volume InfinityPseudomembranes, the development, growth and removal of.)

But the improvement was quickly tempered by my right eye, which is a few days "behind" the left one, and had generally not been as severe. The left eye is slowly (slowwwwwly) improving, while my right eye is currently still completely red and and blurry and swollen almost completely shut. But! I at least know this is well within the realm of "normal" and "to be expected" while the virus...well, I no longer want to use the phrase "run its course" because this thing ain't running anywhere. It's more like a leisurely mosey around the course, getting distracted by shiny objects and stopping to pick some flowers along the way.  

Oh, and I should mention that Ike has been vindicated as NOT the source of this scourge. My ophthalmologist said a sneeze from an otherwise healthy kid wouldn't cause EKC, and since I know NO ONE ELSE who has it, I likely just got super unlucky and contracted it from a stranger or infected surface/object. The incubation period is about 8 days, which puts me smack dab in the middle of a crowded mall movie theater on goddamn Black Friday, so...yeah. Good times, Good Dinosaur. YOU SO WEREN'T WORTH THIS.

Speaking of movie theaters, it is essentially my entire goal in life right now to be better in time for Star Wars. We bought tickets for us and the boys ages ago and seriously, all I want for Christmas is to no longer be contagious so I can go. I won't even ask for full non-blurry vision! I'll squint the whole time if I have to! Just please please please (please) virus, get your punk ass off the course and over the contagion finish line by December 19th. 


This came home in Ike's school bag yesterday. This is pretty funny. This is actually perfection on so many levels. This is totally getting framed, and anybody who didn't get a Christmas card from us (which is EVERYBODY), should just pretend this arrived in the mail today. 



I googled it. You have diphtheria. Ensue panic and woe.

Seriously, this sucks and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy (because i didn't even know it was a thing mostly). I'm sorry it got you.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Star Wars.


My son came along as I was reading and tut-tut-ing about your piteousnes. I told him what I was reading about, and that you look like a zombie. Showed him your pic from a couple posts ago, and he decided that you look like you have laser eyes, which i suppose makes sense. Thought you would like to hear that....


Stupid phone. Piteousness.


I have to tell you, I had uveitis a couple months ago and while it was a little scary, it sounds like your thing is much worse than mine was! And I love Ike's drawing. Hang in there!


Praying that you get better in time for Star Wars with your boys!


There must be a story behind the portrayal of Ezra and Noah In his drawing. Would love to hear it sometime.


May the force be with you! You have suffered enough. Thanks for violating doctors orders to check in with the internet; we're all rooting for you.

Rachel M

I'm just going to say 'thank you' for the last 3 posts. The last several months of my life have been hell. Like the kind of hell where when people find out what has been going on they wonder how I get out of bed in the morning anymore or am ever not crying. Anyway, during this fucking wonderful time of year it is really nice to read some lighthearted posts about someone else's holiday season that isn't feeling all that magical.

Amy Renee

Oh, I hope you get better soon!

Not sure how long EKC survives outside a human body, but if you used any eye makeup in the last 8-10 days, I'd pitch it if I were you, and wash the heck out of any makeup brushes as well, or maybe just pitch those too. I know you weren't wearing it once you got miserable, but maybe in the days just before you started showing symotoms.


I'm so sorry you're still feeling poorly but I'm so glad that you have Ike to cheer you up with his picture. It. Is. Everything!

Liz Mccracken

The picture Ike drew made me cry real tears because I laughed so hard. Kids are so damn real about life! I hope you feel better soon


You poor thing! Sending lots of good wishes your way - and, as Ladotyk said, may the force be with you. My favorite part of the picture may be how Jason looks (in addition, of course, to the fact that you seem to have grown antennae). Good luck.

Beth Rich

I too wonder why Ezra and Noah look like The Blob.

Claudia W

Ike's drawing cracks me up too on several levels, including the fact that Noah and Ezra are sort of scribble-y, but Ike is verrrrry carefully drawn and detailed. LOL


I'm sorry you're still feeling poorly but fingers crossed its all up and up from here on out.

Also there is so much to love about Ike's drawing: your red laser eyes! Your hair! The fact that Jason looks so weary! Like three rowdy boys and a sick wife and the fact that Trump is a presidential candidate are all weighing him down! Tiny detailed Ike! Random blobs Ezra and Noah!

It's not to late to print out a zillion and mail them out as holiday greetings, but looking at Jason here, it doesn't seem he's up to it.


*too late

One day I will read and edit before posting, maybe


All I got is "UGH" and "Wish it wasn't happening to you." Come on, right eye, get with the program here.


Noah is in such a frenzy in Ike's eyes.


Gawd, Amy, why you gotta rub germs in your eyes?

Seriously, that picture is the best. Comparing that to the photos you posted, I must say that Ike was spot on with the crazy red eyeballs.

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