WARNING THIS POST IS GROSS AND YOU SHOULDN'T READ IT.
At some point in the recent past, Ike sneezed. On me. At me. Directly into my face. Being a seasoned veteran of all manner of bodily fluid horrors, this elicited little more than a "DUDE, gross, cover that next time." I can't remember when it even happened precisely, just that it did.
I woke up on Sunday with a twinge of redness in my left eye. Nothing serious, and I blamed it on possibly not thoroughly washing my eye makeup off, or maybe it was time for a new mascara wand, or maybe I just slept like shit.
By Monday morning I was willing to concede that ok, fine, looks like pinkeye. Viral pinkeye (clear tears, no yellow goop), which just needs to run its course, just like it has run its course every other time I've had pinkeye like a normal human being.
And then all. Hell. Broke. Loose.
My eye quickly bypassed pink and turned an awful, fire-like red. My eyelid swelled up and a constant stream of involuntary tears flowed down my face. I had a sore throat and a headache and the pain was unreal. I'd lie down to apply a cool compress to my eyes and wake up three hours later. I tried every OTC and weird home remedy I could find and nothing had any effect.
By Tuesday night both eyes were red and swollen and I noticed that really, my whole face looked kind of...strange. Puffy. Like I'd aged 20 years and gotten fillers in all the wrong places.
On Wednesday morning the light started to hurt my eyes and I couldn't focus properly. I went to urgent care, like "Halp? This doesn't seem right?"
(Urgent care agreed that "NOPE, THAT'S NOT RIGHT AT ALL.")
They gave me a topical antibiotic ointment "just in case" there was something bacterial going on and an oral antibiotic for a suspected underlying sinus infection. I was also advised to double my allergy meds and take extra Advil to fight the inflammation on all fronts.
And oh, if things didn't improve (or oh God, got any worse) within 24 hours, I should just go to the hospital.
"Your eye sockets ARE really close to your brain," I was told, super-cheerfully. "So if that swelling gets worse, you'll want to be seen ASAP."
Zombie pinkeye. Actually a thing! Who knew!
On Thursday I could barely see. Fuck it, I couldn't see. I had to keep my eyes closed to stop the light from causing searing pain and oh my God. So red, so swollen. I was crying but you couldn't tell because my eyeballs are ALWAYS CRYING.
Jason drove me to the ER around lunchtime. And I gotta say, the second I took my sunglasses off I got whisked out of that waiting room INSANELY FAST. Like, they didn't even have a spot for me yet but still had me wait in some empty back hallway because UNCLEAN, UNCLEAN.
After my initial vitals exam the nurse immediately offered some numbing drops for the pain, and then after the doctor performed an examination that involved actual touching of my eyes and face she upped the order to include a Vicodin. Both together brought my pain rating down to a 4, which surprised everybody that I was still feeling ANY pain but guys, guys I am okay with a 4. A 4 is the best I've felt in DAYS! YAY FOR 4!
And now, the worst photo of me the Internet has ever seen, and will ever see:
ER selfie, sure. Is that the face of someone with any fucks left to give?
The ER visit resulted in at least some form of "good news": No orbital cellulitis (aka brain infection) and no damage to my corneas.
The not-so-good news is that, just as I originally suspected, it's just a fucking virus. And there's really nothing to do but "yadda yadda let the virus run its course". And this one seems to be taking its damn sweet time. Ice and a shit-ton of Advil. (They gave me a prescription for Norco but I haven't filled it yet.) I have a follow-up appointment with an eye specialist who will monitor things from here on out because, you know, THIS IS PRETTY BAD. (Possibly EKC, but I'm trying to lay off the self-diagnosing.) Still taking the oral antibiotic for the sinus infection and allergy meds and sleeping upright to fight the overnight swelling and I've turned on all the Person With Bad Eyesight features on my laptop. I'm not allowed to drive until my vision stops blurring (when will that happen? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) and I don't know.
I still don't feel any better. But this morning marked the first morning where nothing seemed...worse? So that's positive. But Ugh. You guys. Everything still hurts and I'm sad and annoyed and trying to accept that recovery and being back to "normal" might be a bit of a ways off.
Tl;dr because gross eye talk: Don't get sinus infections that eat your eyeballs and/or onsidering wearing sneeze guard goggles around small children.