Pet Updates & Things That Are Not Poop
Dress Rehearsal

Diagnosis: Waffles

Introducing Ceiba, the bat-eared medical mystery dog!



Just got off the phone with the vet, and thanks to the urinalysis and bloodwork, we have a nice long list of things Ceiba most definitely does NOT have:

    1) A UTI

    2) Bladder or kidney stones

    3) Kidney disease

    4) Liver failure

    5) Diabetes (the normal kind)

Which leaves us with the remaining three possibilities:

    1) Diabetes Insipidus

    2) Cushing's Disease

    3) Asshole dog syndrome

We're going to test for the diabetes first (which is also known as "water diabetes" but so far I prefer option three, DIABEEEEEETUS INSIDIOUS), which requires me to collect a urine sample from her three mornings in a row. This is...okay. I'm not 100% sure how to go about that. Yesterday she just peed on the floor like a good little asshole and I sucked some up with an old medicine dropper, but this morning she just went ahead and peed on her bed inside her crate.

(Like a dog who is NOT being as asshole, but obviously struggling, thus my insistence that we keep testing for things. I've spent over 11 years with this dog and something ain't right, poor little hamster.)

If life was just and fair and we could all get honorary veterinary degrees based on our Google skills, I'd probably pursue Cushing's first, given some of her symptoms, but blah blah blah unreliable blood tests are unreliable so let's start with the simpler urine culture. (Says the vet who doesn't have to collect pee from a sneaky little dog three days in a row and keep it in his fridge all weekend because we're all gonna be buried in a million feet of snow in precisely three days' time.)

Meanwhile Max is pacing around my bedroom, apparently trying to shit out an actual geode, and just barfed all over the closet floor. 

So yeah. The state of the furballs could definitely be better right now. But they're still here and I'm happy they are still here, even if things aren't particularly glamorous at the moment. 

This blog post brought to you by our BISSELL DeepClean Premier Pet Carpet Cleaner. I mean, not really, at all. But it's certainly getting an awful lot of use, all of a sudden. 




Oh! I can help with this! I've had to collect urine samples from my hamster dogs, and the best collection device is a tupperwear lid. Small enough you can shove under them to collect the sample, but large enough you probably won't get peed on. Plus, you just dump the contents into the container, and you're done. Good luck!


You might want to consider a not-terribly expensive barium swallow for Max. Our (then) 20 year old cat was in Max's position of not-pooping. We had one massive (literal) shit storm and then about 10 days of nothing. He wasn't in pain or anything, but definitely straining. We had him in for the barium. Our vet said it would accomplish at least 2 things: find out where and if the blockage was happening (and hopefully how to fix it) and 2) MOVE that shit along. Unfortunately the barium testing show Samcat the Fatcat had a fast growing tumor at the junction of the large intestine and bowel and there wasn't anything we could do for him. We brought him home and loved him up for a week and then when he said he was ready, we let him go.

My other suggestion for a pee sample from Ceiba would be to crate her in a non-lined crate when she's out and about until she pees. Then you can suck it up with a sterile eye dropper.


This is going to sound weird, but when we had to collect urine from our elderly dog I actually followed him outside during the morning pee break and stuck a ladle under his pee bits. This became slightly more challenging than it probably needed to be because male dog likes to pee squatted like a female dog, but we managed. So, ladle collected pee, I didn't have to do too much work, and then we had to buy a new ladle because that one had pee in it once upon a time. But, in the big scheme of things, not the worst thing that could happen. Just a suggestion.


If it makes you feel any better.... last year my dog had recurring vaginitis. We had to see specialists and she was on antibiotics for months while we waited for the appointments and the results and finally the surgery to correct the issue. The surgery was called an episioplasty and it was legit cosmetic surgery on her vulva. That's right, I them give my dog a facelift to her ass. Anyway, they corrected her hooded vulva and in case you were wondering why I am soooooo comfortable talking about my dog's vagina and vulva, it's because I spent months having to get comfortable talking about dog vaginas. Out loud. To actual human people.

I also spent countless hours googling "normal dog vulva" images and the like. Lord only knows what massive, shadowy corporations are doing with that information. :|

Good luck with the pee-collecting! Ceiba is so teeny.... I am unsure what to suggest for the last-minute shoving under her when she pees.


Laughing way too hard at Erin's comment! Can't say I've ever even thought about a dog vulva before. As for Ceiba...maybe she has whatever *I* have: Did you know that when you collect human pee, it's supposed to be stored in the fridge? In the fridge. In the FRIDGE.

Chatie Kase

I second the soup ladle or other long-handled spoon. Grab one from the dollar store and it can be your special "collection" spoon. Now comes the matter of chasing her around the yard when she goes out to do her business....


My 17 year old cocker spaniel is on anti-pee-pee pills called Proin. They seem to help her but at her age it's really hard to tell if it's just her Queen of the World attitude or a medical problem. I have put doggie diapers on her and that pissed her off so much she stopped peeing, ha ha! So who knows if it's the pills or what, just keep trying...


When I read your post yesterday, I thought the symptoms sounded like Diabetes Insipidus. My Sheltie has had it for a few years. It seemed to start overnight. One day he was fine and the next, he was drinking ALL the water and peeing all the time. The good news is that it is manageable. One small pill, twice a day. Except for having to fill the water bowl much more often, everything else is the same.


Did this all start with Ceiba when you moved?


Oh my god, Erin's comment... So, so funny.


Human pee and human poo is to be stored in a semi cool place. Also a 24 poo collection container does not fit very well in a dorm fridge.


@Erin wins best comment of 2015. Already. SHUT IT DOWN!

Google agrees with y'all about the soup ladle. I gots a cheap plastic soup ladle and the willingness to buy a new soup ladle.

@* No. Ceiba had zero house training issues or other problems after the move. The accidents/pacing/distress have all started in the last 2 weeks and other symptoms (weight gain, leg weakness) we first noticed about a month ago but attributed to other stuff (eating Max's weight gain diet, old dog joint issues).

Deb d

If it is female dog Incontience, Google fennel tea and dogs. Our husky would pee herself as she slept or got too relaxed. A little fennel tea in her water really made a huge difference

Suzy Q

Aw, poor Ceiba.

Also, poor Erin! That was too funny!


I had DI and I got to collect all my (excessive) pee in my refrigerator in giant orange vats for 28 hours. It was awesome (as was the disinfecting of the fridge).

Have you tried hairball gel for Max's constipation? I can't get my cats to actually ingest it but was told it would help her constipation from renal failure and severe arthritis which makes assuming the position too painful. The other thing that really helped and is good for her kidneys is that I bought a pet watering fountain. Don't get the cheapest one and put it in your bedroom (I live in a teeny apartment and my bedroom contains 2 litter pans, 3 pet beds for 2 cats and a water fountain) b/c it will constantly make noise while you sleep but if you spend $30 on a non-crappy one and put it anywhere but your bedroom it's a great thing to have. Sometimes my cat's poop is even soft now. And I know because she can't usually balance in the litter so she poops on the tray the litter pan she doesn't use sits on. And sometimes other places just for fun. I get to pick it up and flush it every day. (Actually no big deal. At 20.5 years old if that's what she needs I'll happily do it for her).

Seriously though, hair ball gel should lubricate things in there for the geodes and it's supposed to taste good to cats. Mine is just persnickety (although she begs for Cosequein which must be the best tasting powder ever.)


Our dog ended up being diagnosed with Cushings. She was a long-haired dachshund whose hair was thinning and who lost weight, was listless, etc. She ended up taking a medication from the vet and lived to the ripe old age of 18-almost-19. Her hair thickened back up and she was pretty spry right up until the end.


Is Ceiba eating Max's new food (particularly mixed with the pumpkin, etc.)? The dog's new urinary issues, and the cat's food being scarfed up (by whom??), plus no cat poop plus no cat weight gain.... Maybe the new cat food is causing your doggie some issues?? Just a thought.


P.S. I'm sure you know, but raw pumpkin isn't good for cats or dogs. Only canned or fresh, cooked pumpkin.


Hang in there. That goes for Ceiba and Max too. I am heartened by all you are doing for your beloved furkids. i hope you get a diagnosis for your little old man doggy soon. 💙💙

The comments to this entry are closed.