I was looking through my phone's (embarrassingly bloated and disorganized) camera roll last night and came across the photos from Beau's adoption listing. Here he is pre- and post-haircut: I didn't want to post anything until he was 100% for sure "ours," but in the meantime I sent these photos to practically everyone I knew. The reactions ranged from "OMG SQUEEEEEE" to "NO DON'T DO IT" to "wait which one, are you getting two dogs?" to my personal favorite, "That dog is ridiculous. WHAT'S YOUR TONGUE DOING, DOG?" "BEING AMAZING, THAT'S WHAT," was my reply, before the conversation veered into potential neckerchief purchases and GIFs of RuPaul freaking out. Looking at these photos now, I'm not 100% sure what made him stand out to us, or why both Jason and I immediately felt so strongly that THIS ONE, THIS IS THE ONE. Sure, he's a cute little thing but we were wading through a virtual sea of cute little things. But once we saw Beau our search pretty much kept circling back to him. (Beau's listing on Jason's phone during our date night dinner. He started filling out the application the next day, I told him no, too soon, too... Read more →

This post is sponsored by The Bouqs Company. So the lovely folks at The Bouqs Company asked if I would like to write another post for them, and like last time, included codes for two of their glorious sustainably and volcano-grown bouquets as part of the deal. Unlike last time, however, I did not order the flowers for myself. Okay, that sentence makes it sound used my good fortune to spoil my mom or my sisters or surprise one of my friends. Which would have really nice of me! They probably would have really appreciated that! Had I done that. Which I did not. No, this time I simply forwarded the codes to my husband, like OH HEY LOOKIT COUGH HINT HINT WHEEZE. Happy early Mother's Day. Or happy random Tuesday. Your call, honey. Now Jason is a wonderful husband who loves to send gifts and little surprises, and who definitely spoils me and the boys (and now Beau, who already owns more toys and treats than most newborn babies). And oftentimes those impulses make it hard for him to follow basic instructions, so saying "go to Target for paper towels and a roll of wrapping paper and THAT'S IT'... Read more →

Wow, what a completely boring, uneventful weekend we just had. Amazing how much life calms down once all your pets stop dying. Jason's company threw a party at an Orioles game; I did not attend, even though I am once again technically working part time for his company (yay me! yay money!). He sent me photos of the open bar while I stayed home and sent photos of the calzones I made for dinner. These were mushroom and collard greens calzones, which my children actually honestly ate with so much enthusiasm you'd think we were in a Totino's Pizza Roll commercial. Calzones just might be the new stupid tiny buns. Later, I sat uselessly by for the accidental malicious destruction of one of the 45 million stupid asshole Minion toys the boys seem to have accumulated... ...only for Jason to arrive home with some instant karma he'd bought the kids at the ballpark. Just look at those fucking things. I've never been so consumed with the simultaneous urge to shove something in my mouth while also wanting to see what would happen if I just hurled it at the wall instead. (We realized none of the boys had ever tasted... Read more →

What are we doing in this room, Mom? Huh, Mom? This room is gross, Mom. What are we doing, Mom? Oh no. Oh no no noooooo. I regret many things. What even just happened. What is my life. Much ponder. So ears. Such fluffy. I forgive you, Mom. That wasn't all terrible. Lets go outside! Outside outside outside I'M SO FLUFFY AND EXCITED and am going to go roll around on that dead snake the lawnmower ran over, because life is futile and disgusting and yaaaay outside! *And Amy's been binge-watching way too much Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and can't stop talking like the episode titles! Read more →

So Not-So-Baby Ike got his hair cut this weekend. He is still kinda mad at me about it. I fully admit that I accidentally created a Hairz Monzter, a kid whose long blond hair became a really big part of his self image and identity, and who would cry at the mere suggestion of a big kid cut. People have been making a fuss over his hair for as long as he can remember, and it set him apart from his brothers, or all the other boys at school. His hair made him unique and he definitely understood that. "I won't look like Ike," he'd wail, any time the topic of a proper haircut came up. He would tolerate "at home" haircuts, provided I promised not to cut too much off the sides. But I am terrible at cutting hair -- and no amount of online/YouTube tutorials helped improve my utter incompetence, particularly with a wiggly preschooler who refused to sit still. The small handful of times I managed to convince him to let a professional trim his hair or add some desperately needed layers/shape were just awful for him, with so much crying and anxiety. Plus he was so... Read more →

We spent all weekend outside, with Jason finally getting to plant the proper non-container vegetable garden of his dreams in the backyard, while I sullenly weeded and pruned and planted shit in the front. This was my halfhearted response to the fact that almost everyone else in our cul de sac was visited by professional landscaping teams last week, and as the lone DIY-ers on the block I am suddenly terribly self-conscious about our lack of real plants and our abundance of weeds. The 'burbs, man. You don't think it'll happen to you and then it does. Tonight I fully intend to drive my garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick. Although my contributions weren't solely aesthetic, as I planted two small blueberry bushes out back, with the goal of maybe getting some actual berries around the time the boys head off to college. I also want some raspberries, blackberries and a fig tree or two but now that I know how much digging is involved in planting a single (very small) bush I'm thinking we can put those on next year's to-do list. I also got a sunburn and today every... Read more →

I've been asked that question a lot lately. Overall, I think the boys are coping with the double-whammy loss pretty well, albeit each in their own way, at their own pace. Noah -- who remembers the loss of his grandfather the most vividly -- is probably doing the "best," although that's really not the right word. He's the most pragmatic and accepting, it's pretty matter-of-fact to him now. As I already wrote when we broke the news about Ceiba, he very literally experienced every distinct stage of grief right there at the dinner table, one right after the other. After that, he was "okay," more or less. He understood why we had to put her down and would patiently explain it to his brothers ("she's sick and going to die anyway, it's our job as her people to make sure it's not painful"). He sought Ceiba out for extra love and attention during her last days, but was also very focused on the exciting possibility of a new dog. His rapid-fire approach to grief certainly came in handy with Max, as we had less than zero time to adequately prepare the boys for what was happening. They'd known he'd been... Read more →

I had a dream last night that Max showed up back at the house. The healthy, heavier Max of days gone by, just back wandering around like oh hey what did I miss? Part of my brain attempted to argue with the dream logic (or lack thereof), flashing back to memories of his actual passing and removal from the house, arguing with a random sea of strangers who also just happened to be there (because okay) that no, he died, he definitely absolutely died...yet eventually another part of my brain overruled my objections and decided that no, this is real! Let's accept it! It was all a big mistake! Let's be happy! Max is back Max is back Max is baaaaack! And then I woke up, and remembered that the vet called yesterday to tell me that Maximillian's ashes had been delivered. I picked Ceiba's up last week after Beau's first vet visit. Which: Okay, that's a lot to take in and unpack right there. I held it together pretty well until I got home and proceeded to full-on ugly cry over the tiny little box with the velvet bag inside and the labeled plastic bag inside of that and... Read more →

At some point after Ike was born, I took a pretty big step back from the "blogosphere community." It was partly deliberate (newsflash: some people be crazy, or at least crazy exhausting, also I hate Twitter with the fire of All Of The Suns). But mostly I just didn't have the emotional or practical bandwidth for a ton of long-distance virtual friendships or conference hopping, and all the online gossip/cliquish-ness that occasionally plagues both. Too many kids and freelance gigs and loads of laundry to worry about imaginary Internet reputation points any more. So while once upon a time, 99% of my friends were people I'd met via some Internet-related connection, I'd say the opposite is true these days. Most of my friends never heard of my blog until we've gotten to know each other and I have to awkwardly explain what it is that I "do." None of them give a shit about how many Instagram or Twitter followers I have/had, and as a result of this shift I like to think I do a better job of reaching out in person these days (rather than just posting shit on the blog/social media and letting life events dribble out... Read more →

This post is sponsored by Le Tote. Motherhood has changed me in countless ways. Some are profound, while others are superficial. Some changes washed over me the second I saw Noah's face, others have come more slowly, with each child and a million individual experiences building together into a gradual transformation of self. Chief among those changes: I now hate, and I mean HATE, shopping for clothes. Before kids, it was probably my all-time top hobby. Jason and I spent way too much of our free time (and disposable income) back in the D.C. shopping neighborhoods. My friends and I would make all-day pilgrimages to the big factory store/outlet malls in the deep 'burbs and spend hours and hours looking for work clothes, casual clothes, party clothes, shoes, bags, scarves, bargains! Today, that all sounds like hell on earth. Take me to a mall and I would so rather be on the benches with the bored husbands than in a dressing room. Take me to the outlets and I will go full deer-in-the-headlights because I JUST CAME HERE FOR A GRILL PAN AND SOME SLIGHTLY IRREGULAR ONESIES NOW GET ME OUT OF HERE. Take me to one of those "cool"... Read more →