Beau the (Not-A-Mystery-Anymore) Mutt
Off the Deep End


I don't know, guys.

Has this week kind of done anyone else in? Especially after all those other weeks? 

I keep coming here, staring at a blank New Post page for awhile before realizing I'm completely out of words. I don't have an impassioned opinion piece or moving tribute or even some half-baked political rant in me anywhere. I just want shit to stop. All the shit. Just...could you not, shit? Anymore? Can I open a news app just one morning without having to read about more shit? Followed by a news cycle's worth of having to read some other shithead's shitty reaction/opinion/total-non-solution to the shit? 

Shit, I'm tired. 

I downloaded Pokemon GO on Monday morning mostly because I didn't know what else to do. At least I'm walking more? 

My backyard is lousy with Rattatas. But I also discovered a half dozen raspberry bushes just beyond our fence in the backyard, loaded with ripe, delicious fruit. I had no idea. So we have a lot of raspberries now.

For the first time in their lives, my children are becoming aware of what's happening in the world. The election, in particular, is stressing them out. They overheard someone on TV discussing the wall and the ban and no amount of reassurance can fully convince them that come November, half of their classmates won't vanish in the night. 

"Those are olden times bad ideas," Ezra says, "like when people couldn't sit together on the bus."

I just caught a Tauros. Sweet.

Fun fact: I used to write a fake celebrity relationship advice column in the voice of Donald Trump's Twitter account, back in the days of Mamapop. I thought he was hilariously insane at the time. This is all supremely weird to me now. 

We try to only discuss the news after the kids go to bed, though. But still, you never know when someone will be sneaking out of bed and hovering at the top of the stairs while you accidentally scare the shit out of them. Shootings. More shootings. Shootings retaliating for the first shootings, or maybe a shooting because someone's off their meds or maybe because abortion or racism or gay people or ISIS or okay, now it's a fucking truck running down people watching fireworks. 

But sure. Let's build a wall and argue about bathrooms some more. 

There's another damn Rattata out in the cul de sac. I am ignoring it.

I don't like arguing about politics, mostly because I'm the sort of super-sensitive person who automatically starts crying whenever I experience any emotion north of apathy, so I get extra keyed up when talking about something I'm actually super passionate about. So I tend to stay quiet instead, which probably makes people assume I don't give a shit, when in fact I give ALL the shits...I'm just trying not to burst into tears in front of you or pick a Facebook fight, because Facebook fights are THE WORST, plus my tremor amps up and anything I post is going to be full of typos. 



(Actual photographic depiction of every Facebook fight ever.)

They love each other. They really do. And I love you. And you. I want you to be safe, and to feel safe. Even if we disagree completely on how to best make that happen. 


This is some solid advice, though. Keep your heads up, everyone. 



Yes. All of it. It's almost 11 and I'm still in pajamas. There were teenagers shooting off leftover fireworks outside and the 10 year old thought it was a gun. No, that will never happen here. Right?


A day or so ago the "Today" show was running a story about JFK Jr. My 8yo asked me who he was, and I explained about his dad being president, race to the moon, etc. My son asks, "did everyone like him when he was president?" I said yes, they loved him. In a plaintive tone, referring to our two candidates I'm sure, my son replied "We sure could use someone like that now."


I totally get what you're saying. I have so much fear/anger/Idon'tknow about things right now. I grew up in Dallas, so last week's shooting really shook me. And we're trying to have baby #2... and I ask myself daily do I really want to bring another child into *this* world??? I asked my parents if they thought this was the most tumultuous time they have lived through. My Dad said that every 'timeframe' has hard times and good times. Democracy is tumultuous - that is good, it leads to creative solutions. I just wish I had his optimism.


"Those are olden times bad ideas," Ezra says, "like when people couldn't sit together on the bus."

This is my feeling exactly. Somehow, in learning about the civil rights era, I got the impression that we were good now. Like, we recognize that humans are humans and deserve common decency and respect. I've been made aware that is, sadly, not the case, but it still surprises me every time. I know that some people believe they are better than others, or that others are worse, but I feel like they should know enough to keep that dumb shit to themselves. Like, don't they know they should be ASHAMED of being racist? That most people are not? Clearly not. It completely perplexes me because I literally don't understand it. Can't we just be nice?


Dearest Amy, we are so totally sisters from another mister, b/c I too, can't debate/articulate my views, but I have all the feelz. I urge you to feed your soul however you can and whatever shape that takes. For me, it's reading very escapist fiction, celeb memoirs, singing in my Unitarian choir, listening to Terri Gross on Fresh Air interviewing cool authors and comedians who have very little to do with the election; listening to show tunes and seeing little kids do community theatre, doing crossword puzzles, and loving on my kids, friends, occasionally super-cranky co-workers and yes, even strangers. I'm also all about adding kindness to as many daily moments as I can. I smile at strangers at work on the street (in NYC, no less!). I hold the door, I compliment babies, I make small talk w/every cabbie and just try like hell to put a shit ton of positivity out there in the world, so I can live up to my motto to my kids--there is more good than evil.I avoid, avoid, avoid the news, because I canna handle the truth or the lies. Enough filters thru so I'm not going thru life w/blinders, but I can't do a deep dive on every terrible story. I try to do deep dives into other stuff that feeds my spirit and then helps me go build hope and bridges (and rainbows! and unicorns!) IRL. I realize I may sound like a bleeding hearted simpleton, but this is how I cope and try to keep my kids from freaking the eff out.


I so appreciate your sensitive heart - and I mean that in the very best way. I love that you're raising boys with kind, compassionate hearts. I have two boys that I'm hoping to raise that way too (they're Ezra and Ike's ages). We need more of those kind boys to grow up to be kind men.

I work in law enforcement in the Chicago area, and the news, no matter what, has me just a mess. I am (no fight-picking intended to anyone) befuddled by the lack of empathy and sympathy in this world. I find myself saying "what if it was your loved one?" over and over. It's all tragic.

Anyway, we have a very strict rule about the news in my house, because my 8 year old struggles with anxiety (not unlike his messed up, twitchy parents). And one day he said to me "I hate the police. They just shoot people all the time." After he explained to me that he sees that on the news all the time. We had to make sure we don't watch the with him around, because all he does is internalize it. With politics, I try very hard to speak kindly and with reason why I don't support a candidate (Donald Trump), but I am sure to tell him that I don't hate people who disagree with me, that everyone has their own opinions.

Anyway ... thank you for this post. The kittehs and puppy make me feel better. And I totally had to Google "Rattatas."


My motto for the past few years is "Don't be an asshole." It works in many areas of life whether it is politics, work, driving, or just being a friend. When you are an asshole, the world is just a harder place. Why do you want to make the world a harder place? There are plenty of people already doing that. Don't add to it. That doesn't mean you have to be super happy all the time or a do-gooder or want to give all your money away. It just means treat everyone the same, with kindness, how you want to be treated. Didn't we all learn that at some point? I get so sick of people talking about color, race, sex, gender, sexuality, blah, blah, blah. We are all just people, humans. Everyone is the same. Don't even get me started on when people try to bring religion into the mix. Ugh.


It's crazytimes out there these days. I went to see Paul McCartney last weekend in Cincinnati and the show was at the hockey arena. For the first time in my life, I looked around and tried to identify the fastest, best exit and I was serious. I leaned over and said to my mom, if something happens, we scream military-style at these two people next to us to MOVE! MOVE! and we scurry down those stairs. But the sad truth was, if anything HAD happened, it would have been a total stampede nightmare trying to get out of there.


Anyway, love is the answer. It's the only answer to every question, though I don't quite know how we get from here to there. But I trust that it's the answer. (Also: 42. For the nerds out there.)


Kari Perry

Gah, I HATE this for the kiddos. I mean I'M freaking stressed, I can't imagine the wee ones who just know enough and...ugh. They deserve a better world. I have never, ever been AFRAID of an election, but I'm truly scared of this election. Trump was kind funny when he was this insane benign millionaire that showed up on tv sometimes but now he's scaring the ever-loving shit out of me. And just all the rest, I'm so tired, just worn out from news and death and just all of it. I feel ya Storch. #wornout

Amy X

I feel ya. I live in Dallas. I work in downtown Dallas, mere blocks away from the protest/events. My husband didn't want me to go to work the day after especially with the rumors of bombs and the whole area basically being a crime scene (plus I'm pregnant with our first child), but I assured him that I would be safe. I mean, I had to be right? Stuff like this doesn't happen every day - to me or to my friends or neighbors. And yet it did, just a few blocks away from my office. It hit me hard, to say the least. A few days later, when I stumbled across a C-list celebrity type saying the shooter was a martyr and she couldn't feel sad for the officers he killed .... I had to put the internet away for a while before I really started questioning the state of humanity.


This is exactly how I feel. All of it. I just...can't, anymore. I've never been so stressed out by current events. I hate this for my kids, for your kids, for kids everywhere. In particular, I try to avoid pictures and videos of the horror but one picture out of Nice almost broke me completely. I don't know what to do. It's EVERYWHERE. Literally everywhere. Given that I had the privilege of growing up in middle-class America I've never worried much about my safety but I do, now. It could happen to me. To my children, my sister, my nieces, my parents. To any of us. At any time, in any place. And that is terrifying.


I love you.


I love you too. This post hurt my heart and left tears in my eyes but it made me really hopefully too.

"Those are olden times bad ideas," Ezra says, "like when people couldn't sit together on the bus."

Right now things are scary and awful but because of parents like you there are a whole lot of kids out there who have enormous hearts and know how painfully wrong and stupid it is to separate people on this bus of a planet we're all riding on.

Those kids are our future and I really do think there are enough of them out there to help fix some of the biggest issues that are hurting so many right now. Right now is scary, but the future looks bright to me.


I am in my 70's. Today's world scares me differently from the 50's when we thought the USSR high drop an atom bomb on us. Today it is the person in the grocery store, or on transit, or at schools or ANY PUBLIC PLACE. We should be scared. As a country we have been killing civilians in other parts of the world regularly and in far greater numbers for years now; so it is coming to Western nations now. This doesn't make it ok or right and I am not going to debate the whys (ego, oil, heroin) or the money grubbing politicians involved. BUT: Please VOTE. Please be registered and VOTE and KNOW WHAT THE PERSON STANDS FOR..... Please do not let Brexit happen here where so very many people voted a protest and did not understand EU money would stop flowing and racism in it's ugliest forms would become 'acceptable'.
THANK YOU FOR POSTING TODAY. Even pulling out old baby pictures and posting them will help me get through my days. It makes me feel someone is out there holding my hand. I am scared.


I can't give any mental energy to current events right now- That probably makes me an irresponsible citizen and yet- last week when so much was going down, I was in labor with my daughter... I managed to be thankful that I am not a tv news person, in fact we didn't turn on the tv the whole time we were at the hospital, because I might have reconsidered the whole birthing thing and decided to keep her inside instead.


I'm so there with you. Politics are shit-tastic, and I vacillate between feeling completely enraged/devastated by national and world events, and then completely numb to them. My stepson is visiting, and is being a passive-aggressive shit to me, and he and my daughter are fighting non-stop. But I love him and want to bond with him, and end up feeling like the nagging, evil stepmom most of the time. My husband is traveling. I work from home. I have made myself get out of the house and have a salad, or walk around the mall for an hour just to clear my head. I'm trying to get in my workouts, which also do help. TL;DR, YES. SO VERY RIGHT THERE WITH YOU.


Thanks for writing this. I too am incredibly sad and fed up with all the shit. Today I experimented with something revolutionary. I read one newspaper article about the latest shit this morning, and then for the rest of the day, I did not read or listen to anything else about it. No FB posts reacting to it, no NPR broadcasts, no CNN live feed, just that one newspaper story. It feels like the good kind of olden days.

LD's Mom

Enough of ALL the shits. I couldn't agree more.


All of this. Thank you for writing me.


I downloaded the app to my phone for my 11 yr old. So, the 14 yr old, the 11 yr old and their Mom have been roaming around looking for Pokemon. It's a nice break from the insanity that is doing me in. We spent over an hour at a park today roaming and roaming. I saw many teens (mostly boys) out in the SUNSHINE and actually TALKING to each other. I may just stay in Pokeworld because...just because.


Whenever I get freaked out about the state of the world, I remind myself of something my mother said. We had been talking about saving for the future, and she had said that when she and my dad were starting out, at the time, people didn't even know if there would be a future (similar to what Jane posted about USSR nuclear bomb fears). I tell myself, maybe every time goes through a period of wondering whether now is the beginning of the end (sort of like Allison said her dad said), and if the world got through that period, why wouldn't it get through this period? Looking at history over the past hundreds of years, particularly the 1900's, I think the world/society goes through a sort of pendulum swing of extremes; the pendulum slowly swings, sometimes big swings, sometimes small swings, but no matter how far it goes in one direction, it will always swing back in the other direction. So no matter how bad things get, they will always get better. Unless we completely annihilate the earth or ourselves in the short term through the bad decisions of a few. Which is a possibility, but I think the odds are against it; we are more likely to survive this too. So whenever I get freaked out about the news, I just remind myself that this is part of the pendulum swing, and we will survive this too. Plus, I try to be the best person I can be and to do everything I can to improve the world, while staying sane. At that point, I have to let it go and live in the moment. And to the lady who wrote about questioning bringing kids into this world, I had the same concerns. I decided to view it differently: my children are my gift to the world. Having kids is not only an act of hope, but also a gift; who knows what impact they will be able to have on the world? #mytwocents


I needed this post today.

Other people are feeling the same way. It helps.

Also I live so close to a
Pokemon go place that I literally caught over 200 Pokemon including Pikachu from my couch. So I deleted it because really, what's the point in that? Not like I actually play. Or walk. Ugh.


Ezra is so insightful. Let's pray, love, and vote wisely!


This is SO how I'm feeling right now. There's this low level anxiety/nausea all the time. Thanks for putting it into words.


This is SO how I'm feeling right now. There's this low level anxiety/nausea all the time. Thanks for putting it into words.

Jill Randy

I feel you. With all the extaneous bu;;shit, I get it.


Exactly! Just hearing all of the thoughts expressed here by you Amy and all your commenters gives me hope. Hope that there ARE mostly good people in the world (and this country) who get it and will help make sure we don't fuck everything up for our children. Thanks, guys!


I'm with you here. I'm with things right now and I can't even get on fb without finding out someone ran a truck into families watching fireworks. :'(


Work with musicians, just posted this song on my personal and work page as thought it was particularly apt.. (lovely independent artist who owns this song) Maybe it will help..


I had two panic attacks within 4 hours yesterday. Part of it was due do dehydration and over thinking. The other part... I'm with you. This week completely wore me out. I'm tired. Just so, so tired of all of this. Of the hate. Of the injustice. Of the lack of respect on ALL sides. I just... I'm so, so tired.


Love back!


For what it's worth, your description of yourself "...I'm the sort of super-sensitive person who automatically starts crying whenever I experience any emotion north of apathy" is the description I have been trying to convey about myself for years. It usually just frustrates the hell out of me so thanks for making me realize I am not alone in that!


My younger son asked me if Donald Trump was alive when Martin Luther King, Jr. was, because he doesn't understand how he could have missed the message that everyone is equal.

I also cry whenever I feel anything with the least bit of passion. I've been crying a lot lately.


I so relate, especially about the overly emotional typos. There has been like 30 times this past week where I was like "LET ME POST CAT PICS ON FB BECAUSE I CANNOT COMMENT ON THE STATE OF OUR NATION."


I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry we're living in a world like this. And the kids too. I'm also feeling so done in. I want to give up, for the first time in my life. But giving up is not an option, because kids. They need us.

My grandparents lived through some very bad stuff when they were young. I hope nothing like that will ever happen again. But even so they kept their humanity, they picked themselves up and went on to do so many good things. We're resilient. I keep trying to tell myself that.


I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry we're living in a world like this. And the kids too. I'm also feeling so done in. I want to give up, for the first time in my life. But giving up is not an option, because kids. They need us.

My grandparents lived through some very bad stuff when they were young. I hope nothing like that will ever happen again. But even so they kept their humanity, they picked themselves up and went on to do so many good things. We're resilient. I keep trying to tell myself that.

bipolar chick

I agree with all your sentiment and 99.5% of this post...but can people please stop with things like "off their meds." The Orlando shooter was widely reported to be bipolar because his ex-wife guessed he was (she specified he had never been diagnosed or to a doctor. If she had said he had cancer but had never seen a doctor we'd think that was too improbable to consider. There is lots of rhetoric that these violent assholes are mentally ill...and none of them have been. There is a difference between being a violent asshole and being mentally ill. In fact, mentally ill people are much more likely to be the victims of violence than the perpetrators (see people killed by police over-reaction). So, from someone struggling to make it in the world with a mental illness, please don't make it harder.

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