Just a Little Playground Banter
October 10, 2016
Recess. I am going down the big slide with most of my class. Boys and girls together, because everyone loved the big slide. Except maybe the kindergartners, and some of the first graders, but not us. We're in third grade.
As I come down, he's standing next to the slide, near the bottom. He puts his arm out, extends his fingers. His hand goes up and under my dress, between my legs. He squeezes. Hard.
I get off the slide. I am immediately defiant. Screaming at him. That was a bad thing, a wrong thing. You're not supposed to do that thing.
My classmates, even the boys, rally behind me, shocked and scandalized. He looks for an ally. He is angry that none of the other boys are taking his side. He tries to deny and backtrack and explain. I spin around and march off to find a grown up.
Our teacher that year was a man. Mr. W. I didn't like him all that much by the end of the year -- he liked the boys better than girls, I concluded for some reason -- but early in the year I adored him and wanted nothing but his approval. He reminded me of my dad.
I tell him what happened. I name names. I demonstrate graphically with my own hand so there is no misunderstanding what that boy did.
There is immediate action. Talks out in the hallway, then down in the principal's office. Parents are called. At some point I am outside our classroom with him, our teacher, the principal, our mothers. He is to explain himself and apologize.
It was just something the boys were all joking about. Joking about grabbing the girls' private parts as they came down the slide, then yanking on them, pulling them out. He mimes this last action with a swoop of his arm.
It is clear at this point that the area between our legs is still very much a mystery to the boys, but I am mostly just shocked to hear that the other boys were even making these jokes. The other boys are my friends.
He didn't realize it was supposed to just be a joke. That it was supposed to stay as just talk. He thought they'd think he was cool if he actually did it.
You know, if he actually grabbed a girl by the pussy.
He cries a little. He says he is sorry.
I don't remember what, if any, other consequences he faced. I think he might have been suspended for a few days, or maybe not, but we never spoke of the incident again. He remained in my class until sixth grade, when he memorably chose to tan a deer skin in our classroom for an enrichment project. It made the room smell terrible for weeks and grossed everybody out. (My enrichment project was a slightly obsessive and fully illustrated biography report on New Kids on the Block.) I remember he hurt my feelings that year by saying my hair in barrettes looked like cat ears, then issued a confused non-apology as I pulled them out and cried. It was just an observation, jeez. You're so sensitive.
Then we moved on to different middle schools and that was that. I've never seen or even thought of him since.
Until now. I wonder why.
:(
Posted by: Carrie | October 10, 2016 at 09:52 AM
Because he was a JERK who upset you to your core, at a time when you thought everyone was a friend, especially other kids. With your three little men growing up so much with the start of this school year, I'm not surprised your Mama Bear would come out - remembering how cruel and hateful other children can be.
Posted by: R Robicheaux | October 10, 2016 at 09:59 AM
I'm sorry, Amy. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope the other little boys realized, then and now, that even just talking is hurtful, damaging, and dangerous.
Posted by: Jesabes | October 10, 2016 at 10:08 AM
Exactly! Trump's the playground bully that never grew up.
Posted by: Kathie | October 10, 2016 at 10:14 AM
I'm so sorry he did that to you. But I'm very glad to hear that you had the strength of character to yell and to report it and not back off, and I'm also relieved to hear that your teacher and the school took it seriously. It's good to know that you hadn't thought about it until now, as I hope that means that you were not too traumatized by it, as all too many girls have been by sexual assaults. I bet that boy hasn't thought about the incident again until now either, but let's hope that he is remembering now and is teaching his children about what is and is not acceptable behavior. If only someone had taught Donald Trump.
Posted by: MJ | October 10, 2016 at 10:30 AM
Oh my god. This has me near tears, thinking of my precious baby girl, and someone doing something like this to her. Trump's statements had me outraged, of course. But this brought it home. Thank you for sharing this. It's an extremely difficult thing to think about, but it's so very important that we do. That we don't run away from it.
Posted by: LMo | October 10, 2016 at 10:49 AM
When I was in fourth grade, the boys would go around with sticks. They would tell us that they were going to shove sticks up us. At that point, I wasn't really sure what that meant, but it didn't sound good. It never occurred to me to tell anyone, so the fact that you KNEW TO TELL is awesome!
Posted by: Laura in Michigan | October 10, 2016 at 10:55 AM
Ugh, I feel like we are all moving backwards. I wish I didn't have to worry about this. But I feel an overwhelming need to talk with my kindergarten-aged daughter, to remind her that her body is her own, to make sure that she knows she can tell me anything, to give her confidence to react like you did.
Posted by: HeyBeckyJ | October 10, 2016 at 11:00 AM
I sat on a hayride this weekend while a grown man talked about Trump and told his wife why what he said was fine...it was ok...just locker-room conversation. I was disgusted and then I noticed he had a little girl...and his wife had another baby in a carrier. I did not speak up because I did not want him to cuss in front of my boys. He looked the type to fly off in a Trump-infused tirade. My mind was screaming, "you have a little girl!" Then he turns to his wife and mentions that the baby she is holding is also a girl.
He said, "She is so fat," reference the baby. The wife responded that she is fat playing with the baby's legs. God bless all of the females in that house. By the way, he was at least 350 lbs.
Posted by: Karen | October 10, 2016 at 11:05 AM
Gah- I'm so sorry, Amy. Something similar just happened to my 10 year old daughter. And all the calls from principals and teachers and private lunches with the counselor won't ever take her back to a place where she feels safe everywhere. Yes she told a teacher, thank goodness- and I reiterated that was the right thing to do- but it doesn't PREVENT anything, you know? Telling just punishes (GOOD.) but it doesn't Protect. And what do I tell her? It's crushing but it really boils down to "welcome to the club"- because it's happened to all of us. Will happen to my other 2 daughters in one fashion or another. F*ck Trump so hard.
And for me- it was when I was 16, paying for gas and a 70 year old man came up to me, stood WAY to close, and then said "MMM, MMM- I'd f*ck you so hard and so would my grandson." What. The. H*ll. Humanity.
Posted by: Lauren A. | October 10, 2016 at 11:10 AM
When I was in seventh grade, I was stretching at the beginning of gym class, first period. It was 7:40am, it was still dark out (Autumn in the PNW) I was tired. Group stretches hadn't started yet, so I was one of the only people sitting down. I never saw it coming, I was probably daydreaming or tying my shoe, but I heard a boy shout "BRAINS!" and the next thing I knew, his ball sack was pressed up against the side of my face. It only lasted maybe half a second before he pulled the leg of his basketball shorts back down and ran away laughing. Gym teachers weren't paying attention (they were probably lecturing girls about how their shorts were too short for a co-ed gym class), and all the kids who saw just laughed. Shocked, I immediately started to cry, told one of the teachers, who didn't believe me and told me to stop being dramatic--boys will be boys, he probably just had a crush on me.
This was about 11 years ago, when for some reason the "Brains" thing was all the hype among middle school boys. It was wrong then, it's wrong today, it will be wrong tomorrow.
Posted by: Kelsey | October 10, 2016 at 11:57 AM
You were strong and that is amazing. I am trying to teach my daughters to be strong, to be unafraid to tell, to do exactly what you did. I believe you are also a person that knows that not everyone is as strong. SO many of us say or do nothing because we are too surprised, embarrassed, ashamed or perversely don't want to hurt the asshole's feelings or get them in trouble. It's messed up but it happens since women are so conditioned to be nice. I was talking to a friend this weekend who genuinely appeared to not understand because she has a VERY strong personality and nothing like that has really happened to her and if something started to happen to her she was able to stop it. Unfortunately, those women aren't helping the whole rape culture discussion because they're often quite vocal about how women shouldn't be so seeeeensitive. I've had things happen to me, but even if I hadn't I know enough not to discount other people's experiences just because they haven't happened to me. I am happy that nothing major has happened to her and told her that strength is great and it helped her, but that it was luck as much as anything. Because our men and boys, and yes our culture has major issues, and chances are she just has never come across someone stronger, smoother, or more determined than she is. I hope she never does. I am not particularly traumatized by the things that have happened to me (luckily), but they were still horribly horribly wrong.
Posted by: Rachel | October 10, 2016 at 12:00 PM
This made me cry. My older daughter is in second grade. It has never once occurred to me that I need to warn her. I mean, I've had the cursory talk about not letting anyone else touch her "private parts" but maybe I need to sit her down and tell her what needs to happen next.
I'm so disgusted that he doubled down last night and said this was locker room banter. My husband and my friend's husband both said they'd never heard any man talk like that. And if it is "normal", then that's a problem. We need to talk about how it's not okay.
Posted by: Stephanie | October 10, 2016 at 12:12 PM
THANK YOU for sharing this story and being brave. I think every day about how to educate our kids that NO means NO, and, if something happens to you, please TELL someone (and keeping telling if the 1st person does not respond). We try so hard to teach our kids to respect all people - both their beliefs and their actual physical body. Having someone on a national platform, someone in an "authority" position, demonstrate the opposite, over and over and over again, is flat out nauseating and confusing.
Also, I tell my kids that interrupting is RUDE.
Posted by: Catherine | October 10, 2016 at 12:12 PM
Yikes. So sorry that such a disgusting man brought back this memory :-(
Posted by: Stacy | October 10, 2016 at 12:16 PM
And how many other little girls would have been too shy, scared, or ashamed to not stand up for themselves. Good for you for doing that (though I'm so sorry that it happened). :(
Posted by: beekeebear | October 10, 2016 at 12:18 PM
Second grade for me...and after he grabbed my privates, he kicked me in the shin with his steel-toed cowboy boot. I tackled him and beat him up A Christmas Story Ralphie-style. Just wailed on him until he was crying like a baby and spitting out blood. Our teacher picked me up off him after my friend ran to get the teacher. He was expelled; I was not punished. Turns out his Dad was doing the same thing to his mom.
Posted by: Kim | October 10, 2016 at 12:18 PM
That a man like that has made it as far as he has -- thisclose to the presidency -- is horrifying in ways I cannot even begin to articulate. (But I will try.) I hope he loses, and expect he will, but we have clearly had a cultural backlash to all the positive strides we've made in recent years in terms of gender and racial and sexual and other equality. We have a significant enough portion of our population (white males -- and NO, of course I don't mean all of them, so please hear me say that; I am happily married to a feminist man, lol) who are angry that they no longer were allowed to comfortably -- and without social repercussion -- marginalize others. And now because of those angry voices, we are sliding backward, we are back to allowing politically incorrect speech and action, we do not more loudly and thoughtfully question the implications this has on our society, now and going forward. Trump was allowed in yesterday's debate to dismiss his comments as mere 'locker room' talk, without being asked why as a man in modern society -- and a father of daughters! -- perhaps he should feel compelled to challenge that sexist concept as no longer acceptable or harmless. It is shameful. I am so disgusted by all of it and so angry that more aren't speaking up! Thank you for writing this post.
Posted by: lisa | October 10, 2016 at 12:53 PM
Done. SO done. I'm so sorry that you went through a difficult situation. NO little girl deserves to ever feel hurt or violated that way. But to turn your memories into a tirade against Trump? Really? Some of your readers aren't jumping on Hillary's bandwagon. I've enjoyed reading this blog for a number of years, but I'm not returning. If I want to listen to Hillary focused opinion pieces or media-bought propaganda, I'll just put on CNN.
Posted by: Laterz | October 10, 2016 at 01:17 PM
Happened to me as an adult - I was working in a retail store and one of my colleagues trapped me up against the service counter (he was behind me) and ran whatever he had in his hand up my leg. This was in front of customers and co-workers. I yelled at him and he was forced to apologize - but that was it. The store was more concerned that I'd press charges or something vs. believing my story and backing me up. I just wanted it to go away so didn't make more of a fuss. I wish I had.
Posted by: Jessica V | October 10, 2016 at 01:25 PM
Thank you for this! It really demonstrates why even "just joking" about these kinds of things can be so damaging. Because there could always be someone listening that thinks it's ok, whose world view is reenforced by those comments, who now thinks "see everyone was thinking it". That little boy did a terrible thing to you, but so did the other little boys. They created an environment where that could occur. I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about how I raise my son to be the kind of man that calls out this behavior when he sees it. Our children deserve a better world than this.
Posted by: Nicole | October 10, 2016 at 01:30 PM
I agree with Lisa--why was this cretin allowed to pass off this 'locker room talk' like it wasn't disrespectful, misogynistic and degrading to all women? WTF? I am glad you stood up for yourself, and that the adults didn't just blow it off with some bs 'boys will be boys' nonsense.
Posted by: Stacy | October 10, 2016 at 01:34 PM
In response to Laterz, it's intriguing to read a "tirade" into five words: "Until now. I wonder why."
Posted by: Graygirl | October 10, 2016 at 01:48 PM
Thank you for sharing this. I have three girls. They know that their body is theirs and they have agency over it, but I'm not sure I have taught them to give em hell if someone tries or does assault them. How could I have forgotten that piece? Thank you so much for sharing this. About to have some chats with my girls. :)
Posted by: SparkleP | October 10, 2016 at 02:10 PM
Amy. Thank you so much for speaking up, and for sharing. We can't have that kind of a role model for our boys. You are doing the right thing by yours.
Posted by: Jelourai | October 10, 2016 at 02:14 PM
I'm so sorry that happened to you, and also SO DAMN PROUD of the way you handled it. And proud of your parents for instilling and cultivating your strong brave voice.
Posted by: Gwen | October 10, 2016 at 02:25 PM
Like "locker room banter" is an excuse. At all.
A year ago last summer, a little girl my daughter's age - they had friends in common- in our area was raped and killed by a neighbor boy. It was horrifying on so many levels, but that night I realized just how close I had been to being her. A 16yo neighbor boy had told me he would initiate me into the older kids' new "club", and he pulled me into an office in his garage. It was dark, he pulled my pants down, and - he hurt me. I didn't have words for it then, but I knew where his hands were.
I was nine. It hurt, I yelled, and thank the stars, I was loud enough that he stopped, and let me go. I remember getting on my bike and riding away. I didn't have words for what had happened, and I never told anyone. It isn't as if I forgot it happened, but I definitely minimized it in my head, and still do - it wasn't the first thing #notok incident that came to my mind. But I wasn't "just" molested, I wasn't "just" felt up. I was almost raped. It was a different time and a different
That rapist had a 8yo sister. I hope he never hurt her.
My husband and I debated how much to share with my daughter. I ended up telling her everything. I told her that I hoped nothing like that would ever happen to her, but if it did, I wanted her to have the words for it, and I damn sure wanted her to tell her story.
Posted by: KImtoo | October 10, 2016 at 02:25 PM
That unfinished sentence: It was a different time and place, and I don't think I would've ended up in a dumpster, but I could have.
Posted by: KImtoo | October 10, 2016 at 02:27 PM
Okay, second comment today... Laterz implied that this is a political post and that you turned your memories into a tirade? "If I want to listen to Hillary focused opinion pieces or media-bought propaganda, I'll just put on CNN". WTH?? Me thinks that she doth protest too much and is drawing her own conclusions!!
Posted by: Laura in Michigan | October 10, 2016 at 03:00 PM
Amy, I'm so sorry. thank you for sharing. This election is bringing up memories of trauma for a lot of us.
Posted by: Elizabeth | October 10, 2016 at 03:22 PM
I remember all the comments about my body, and bra snapping. The boy who I finally snapped at and fled in tears because he kept commenting on how my boobs bounced when I ran playing basketball. It always hurt worse when the boys who I thought of as friends laughed and never said anything. This kind of "locker room talk" needs to be called out and ended. It's rape culture.
Posted by: Olivia Enabulele | October 10, 2016 at 03:24 PM
Thank you for this post. I'm so sorry that it happened to you. I've shared this on my facebook page. I can not get over how many mothers of girls AND boys I have heard say that Trump just said some bad things way in the past. He BRAGGED about DOING horrible things. And even if it was just "locker room talk", your story shows how easily talk turns to action and how actions can violate and damage others. Sexual assault is not ok. Bragging about sexual assault is not ok. Joking about sexual assault is not ok. Teaching our children that sexual assault can just be brushed under the rug is not ok. And supporting "leaders" who do all of the above is not ok. It should not even be an option.
Posted by: Melissa | October 10, 2016 at 03:28 PM
Oh, Amy. I'm still crying. To each of you who have told your story here, thank you for your courage and honesty. Thank you for standing up to say ENOUGH. I am so sorry for the pain that we are still bearing and I pray pray pray that we can be voices for our daughters AND our sons. THIS IS WRONG. Humanity can be better than this. We need leaders at all levels who believe we are better than this. Love to you. And thank you for teaching your glorious sons that our shared humanity is a thing of beauty and grace.
Posted by: Annie | October 10, 2016 at 03:46 PM
THIS IS MOMMYBLOGWORLD. HOLY FUCK. PERSONAL OPINIONS! THOUGHTS! FLEE OR BE CONSUMED BY MY LIBERAL NON-RAPE CULTURE AGENDA
Later, Laterz.
Posted by: Amalah | October 10, 2016 at 04:02 PM
I was much older than you when it happened to me, and I didn't know how to react, so I am so glad you knew exactly how to stand up for yourself. I was in a subway train, crowded up next to an old man, when I felt "tickling" of my vulva through my clothes. I looked up and he was staring at me, not at all "unproud" of himself. I froze, until the doors opened at the next stop, space opened around me, and I fled. I never spoke a word to him.
@Laterz: If someone sharing their story of hurt makes you feel attacked, maybe it's time to ask yourself why. Who are you sympathizing with?
Posted by: Sarah | October 10, 2016 at 04:27 PM
Sure.
Posted by: Dawn | October 10, 2016 at 04:39 PM
Thank you so much for sharing! Ugh what an experience. Really demonstrates how words can and do lead to action, not that I believe that liar's claim that it was only locker room talk and he never actually sexually assaulted anyone. Yeah right you f-ing a-hole. Anyway: I love your blog. I have two little boys and the thought of that horrible, disgusting man leading our country keeps me up at night. It helps to know that you and many others are just as horrified. Thanks again!
Posted by: Emily | October 10, 2016 at 04:45 PM
I so appreciate you telling this story. I have a 2nd grade daughter. She is totally assertive and knows that her body is her own. And yet...I don't know if I've taught her to react like you did. I know that I would not have. It's so disappointing to live in a world where I have to worry if I've taught her to react to assault correctly at the age of seven. It's even more disappointing to know that people in this country could support a man that gleefully brags about things that make the rest of us relive some of our worst moments.
Posted by: Dawn | October 10, 2016 at 06:05 PM
Keep fighting the good fight Amy. Anyone who is offended can leave. The constant bullshit coming fromTrump has made me snap.
Posted by: Kris | October 10, 2016 at 06:54 PM
I am so sorry that happened. And I am so glad that you were able to tell.
Posted by: Mel | October 10, 2016 at 07:00 PM
Oh boy, this post and all the comments....tears. It all makes me so sad for my own twoyoung daughters. This is the world they will grow up in. It's the world we grew up in so many years ago. It's damn disgusting that we have a presidential candidate who thinks this kind of behavior is just boys being boys.
I was 10. My young cousin, he was 5. We were in my grandparents backyard, summer day, running through the sprinkler. He grabbed me there. It was sudden, hard, brief, shocking. So shocking I smacked him hard! I left a huge red hand print on his back. He ran sobbing to my grandparents. They were so angry at me. I remember trying to explain what he did. That I didn't just hit him, that he deserved it. But I didn't really have the right words to explain. As punishment, my own grandmother walked up to me and smacked me hard across the face in her anger over me hurting him.
A part of me never forgave her for doing that. He was 5, he didn't know and our grownups in charge should have taken that moment and taught him. Taught us both. But instead I was smacked and he was coddled.
I hope Hillary busts through that glass ceiling so f*ing hard.
Posted by: Julie | October 10, 2016 at 07:24 PM
Thank you for sharing this, Amy. It had to have been difficult to tell your story, knowing that the trolls are out there, ready to respond. That man disgusts me, and I'm afraid we will be subjected to more before this election is over. Peace to you and to all of us.
Posted by: J | October 10, 2016 at 08:41 PM
Thank you for sharing! The phrase "locker room talk" makes me sick. It's like a get out of jail free card that some men use to normalize f'd up and inappropriate behavior/speech.
Posted by: Clara | October 10, 2016 at 09:55 PM
Thank you for sharing this Amy. I'm sorry you went through this. I was straight up molested as a child by a family freind, and I told right away. My parents believed me with no questions. It's imperitive that we teach our children better than past generations were. It's the only way this will end.
Laterz, I give your flounce 2/10. If sharing a story about being violated is propaganda to you, you need to think hard about whose side you're on. The victim's? Or the person who never learned how to be a decent human being?
Posted by: Brandi | October 10, 2016 at 11:08 PM
I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm also very impressed that you had the wherewithal to tell the adults, and that they took it seriously. I was in 9th grade when I was grabbed inappropriately at school. I was putting something in my locker, and the hallway was too crowded with rushing students for me to be able to determine who had touched me, so I never reported it. But honestly, even if I had seen who had done it, it probably wouldn't have occurred to me to tell a teacher or my mom, and I get the feeling that if I had, it would have been brushed off. (This was over 30 years ago.) I hadn't thought of that incident in years, but it was on my mind this weekend.
Posted by: T | October 11, 2016 at 12:16 AM
Please all be sure you are registered and that you vote. Please also understand that if no one has enough electoral votes to be President the decision goes to the current HOUSE to decide. They need to choose between the top 3 contenders. I am not asking you to vote for anyone ~ but to vote and to understand the potential results of your vote. Polls have been VERY SERIOUSLY wrong in recent days and 'protest votes' and 'not voting because the result was predicted' created BREXIT. ( In England with BREXIT you no longer get money from the EU to shore up your industry ... gee why was that a surprise?)
Be informed. VOTE EVERY ELECTION and for all offices and ballot issues.
Posted by: old | October 11, 2016 at 06:45 AM
That little boy probably ended up just fine as a man--because people told him no, you can't do that, and there are consequences (whatever they were. At the very least, he was rightly humiliated). Imagine if he wasn't told no by teachers, if he spent many formative years at a wealthy all-boys school, if he were rewarded with celebrity for being outrageous. What would we have then? Oh, wait.
On a side note, Laterz's flounce cracked me up. I mean, politics on a mommy blog? Heaven forbid! It's not like parents are trying to raise the future or anything.
Posted by: Lynn | October 11, 2016 at 08:50 AM
I just want to say that these comments have made me love all of you. I'm so glad to see evidence of smart, sane people that still exist. I cannot believe that Trump has come this close, and it scares the crap out of me. Thank you for giving me some hope!
I remember being held in a bus seat, and being told I couldn't leave until I let him feel my breast. I can't believe I let it happen, and I can't believe he bragged about it to the entire school. It never occurred to me to tell an adult, because I was so ashamed. Yeesh, I can't believe this stuff has happened to so many of us.
Posted by: Foxy | October 11, 2016 at 09:31 AM
I wasn't blessed with any daughters. I have four boys. The oldest is eleven. On Sunday when the Trump tapes were all over the headlines, I talked to them about this "lockerroom talk" garbage. I told them in the meanest voice, their eyes were very wide, about how wrong it was. I told them that I expected them to treat every girl and woman as if her Heavenly Father was sitting on their shoulder. I told them that they were to treat every woman, regardless if she deserves it or not, as a child of God, to defend her from anything harmful, including speech.
Unfortunately, I'm sure that these assault stories are much more common among boys than we know, and just because they are boys doesn't mean they won't have something similar happen to them. Just the same, I thought you mom's reliving these horrible experiences might find comfort in knowing that my boys will grow up knowing it is their duty to protect and defend and respect your girls. Hugs!
Posted by: Bridgette | October 11, 2016 at 09:41 AM
Sorry that this happened to you and to all the commenters. I think it has probably happened to all women at some point in our lives. I was raped in college and said nothing. And in 5th grade watched a man masturbate in a van as he drove alongside our bus during a field trip, knowing full well all the little kids were watching. I hope this changes in my lifetime.
After the tape came out on Friday, both Saturday and Sunday I walked my dogs in my rural part of Lancaster County, past the homes with the Trump signs on their lawns. Out of about 10 homes, only one house pulled their sign as of Monday morning. I KNOW that some of these people have young daughters. How do they legitimize this? Okay, hate Hillary, whatever, don't vote. Or don't vote for President but vote for all the down ballot candidates. How does a mother allow that sign to still stay on the lawn? I just want to go up to the door and ask them to explain. I honestly just don't understand. MOst of these people are also extremely religious. HOW DOES THAT COMPUTE?
Posted by: Meredith | October 11, 2016 at 10:46 AM
Just about wept. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: SarahB | October 11, 2016 at 11:08 AM
This kind of thing has happened to all of us. I was in middle school, sitting next to a boy I actually had a crush on at the time - on the floor with my back against the gym wall, knees up, arms across my legs. I refused to do something he wanted so he reached under my arm and blindly groped my chest. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and no one saw it happen. That was easily over 20 years ago and I can still feel the burning shame in my cheeks when I remember what he did.
Meanwhile, I asked my husband who is a former athlete if that kind of "locker room" talk happens and he said absolutely not. Trevor Noah said it best: "It's not the locker room, it's YOU, motherf*cker!"
Posted by: Diane | October 11, 2016 at 01:11 PM
Amy, I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I'm near tears reading the other comments. This has to change.
I guess you can take solace by rolling around in your mad dollah bills courtesy of the liberal media propaganda machine. Where do we all get on that gravy train?
Posted by: michelle b | October 11, 2016 at 02:32 PM
I'm with you, Amy, and am so impressed with how you were able to handle yourself in that situation.
Also, this is YOUR blog and you have every right to tell your stories and give us your opinion. Der.
Posted by: Dori P | October 11, 2016 at 04:31 PM
@Meredith: I so agree--so much of my FB feed is nauseating and in defense of this bottom feeder Trump. The majority are 'friends' from high school days long ago, who still reside in the very small Lutheran-centric, German settled tourist town in Michigan I grew up in. Hillary haters all, and Trump justifiers all--and it blows my mind. I'm not one hundred percent on the Hillary bandwagon, but holy fuck this man cannot be elected! To excuse himself by pointing the finger at the Clintons does not imply contrition. He seems to feel two wrongs make a right and not only reeks of insincerity but does nothing to stop perpetuating this attitude of arrogance and entitlement.
Thank you, Amy, for sharing this. Maybe this is what needs to happen-we all need to come forward with our own stories and stop this, right now. Not all men are pigs like him, thankfully, but unfortunately by remaining silent I feel we're only adding to the good old boy network that 'every guy talks like this'. No, they don't.
Posted by: Amy A | October 11, 2016 at 05:39 PM
I took my 12 year old daughter to see Bobby Vinton in concert at our local theme park. He was part of my generation's music, but she grew up with my record collection and loved some of his songs. After he sang all her favorites, she skipped down the aisle to the autograph signing area, all gangly and just beginning puberty. He signed her paper and said he wanted to give her a kiss. She offered a cheek, he kissed her on the mouth, with tongue. Unfortunately she didn't tell me until we were in the car headed home.
It's not necessary to like the president. We're not dating them, or inviting them to move in with us. It's only necessary for us to pick the one who is qualified, who has political and diplomatic experience, who will do a good job. It is beyond my imagination that some of my friends are still undecided at this point, or that some of them plan to make a statement by voting third party. It is also beyond my comprehension why any woman (or Hispanic, Black, handicapped, etc. etc. etc. ) would support Trump.
Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Laterz.
Posted by: Judy | October 11, 2016 at 06:21 PM
Amy, thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for creating a community of women who are living strong and proud, standing up for ourselves and telling loud-mouthed bullies like Trump, "no."
Posted by: Stacy | October 11, 2016 at 08:42 PM
You are so boss, so brave for sharing this on the internet. I've been mulling over my own stories and really feeling the weight of it. I have two daughters. I am so glad there are people like you raising sons.
Also, Laterz: it shouldn't have to mean leftist politics to condemn this behavior. How about just common human decency.
Posted by: Lindsay | October 12, 2016 at 10:18 AM
I am still reeling from the last Presidential debate. I was trying to explain to my husband why it upset me so much, to see Trump try to justify his "locker-room banter" as something we should overlook and not judge him too harshly for. And then for him to proceed to act the bully throughout the debate. I've met his type before--I would bet money every single woman has in her lifetime. And many of those women are going to express their displeasure at the voting booth in less than a month.
My husband said he is just as disgusted by this man's behavior; he doesn't have to be a woman to understand. I'm optimistic there are enough honorable men out there like my husband who see this man for the fearful little boy that he is.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I guess the up side of this whole thing is that we're having this conversation.
Posted by: Gail | October 12, 2016 at 01:11 PM