Happy New Year!
I personally couldn't be happier to drop-kick 2016 like an underinflated football, although I can't quite shake my suspicion that 2016 was just an elaborate viral marketing campaign for all the shit that's about to go down THIS YEAR.
Look, I uncovered the subliminal messaging in AMC's Walking Dead ads:
WATCH WHAT HAPPENS! LIVE! Or dead. Who even can say anymore.
If there was one super genuinely good thing from last year (besides my children and marriage and home and the fact that I have some pets that DIDN'T die blah blah blah), it was that I watched a lot of television. Here's one of those end-of-year round-up style posts that most people publish in December but I'm a rebel. Also because this idea just occurred to me this morning.
Reason I'm Secretly So Cool With Jason Hanging Out With His Friends Because I Get To Stay Home and Watch This Over and Over:
Reasons Neither of Us Are Allowed to Make Plans On Sunday Nights:
Westworld, Game of Thrones
Newest Cosplay Obsession:
Most Novelty T-Shirt Tie-ins Purchased:
Shows I Am Over:
The Walking Dead, See Above, NEGAN, South Park
Show With Current Highest Ratio of Girl Crushes:
Saturday Night Live
Show That Is Still Really Fucking Good, Season After Season:
Shows I'm Hoping Will Stay Really Fucking Good, But Fingers Crossed:
Sense8, Stranger Things, Catastrophe
Other Random Shows Coming Back That I Hope Will Make 2017 Survivable:
Orange is the New Black, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Top of the Lake, House of Cards, Dave Chappelle
Top Thing I Just Learned While Making This List That Bummed Me the Fuck Out:
Best Thing That Sounds Like a Christopher Guest Mockumentary But Isn't:
Worst Thing That Actually Is a Christopher Guest Mockumentary, But Sucks:
Shows I Stuck With Until the End But Now Wish I Hadn't Bothered:
The Fall, The Night Of, The Get Down, American Horror Story: Roanoke, The OA
Show No One Can Believe I Haven't Watched Yet:
Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life
Shows I Started and Liked But Haven't Finished Yet Because It's All Too Overwhelming:
Fleabag, Luke Cage, Divorce, Insecure, Master of None, The Good Place, Mr. Robot, Good Girls Revolt
Show Currently Stressing Me Out Because I'm Not As Into It As I Feel Like I Should Be:
Shows Also Stressing Me Out Because I Used To Watch Them Obsessively But Now There Are All These Unwatched Episodes Piling Up And I'm Just Like Nah Not Tonight:
Bojack Horseman, Archer, Bob's Burgers, Homeland, The Americans, Mozart in the Jungle, Broad City
Show I Tried To Watch But Was Just Like Yeah That Whole Terrifying Premise Doesn't Seem Like Enough of a Stretch Anymore:
Man in the High Castle
Weirdest Amazon Pilot Watched:
Grown-Up Movies I Saw In the Movie Theater:
Kid Movies I Saw In the Movie Theater:
Kubo and the Two Strings, Zootopia, Finding Dory, Kung Fu Panda 3, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, bought tickets for Rouge One but refunded them after doing our research like responsible parents but waaaahhhh I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN ROUGE ONE
Movies My Kids Asked To See In the Movie Theater That I Straight-Up Lied and Said "Oh Sorry That's Not Playing Near Us:"
Angry Birds, Storks, Trolls, Ice Age Part Oh My God Who Cares About That Fucking Acorn Anymore
My Kids' Favorite Movies, None of Which Came Out in 2016:
Back to the Future, Ghostbusters, E.T., National Treasure
Movies I Had Really High Hopes For That Maybe Aren't Super Great But I Still Enjoyed:
10 Cloverfield Lane, Keanu, Popstar, Sausage Party
Movies I Am Told I Definitely Saw But Couldn't Tell You a Single Detail About Because Zzzzz:
Captain America: Civil War, Star Trek: Beyond, Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, The Divergent Series: Allegiant, Maybe Colons in Titles: Should Be Some Kind of Sign
Overall Greatest Parts of 2016
And because I'm clearly a total television masochist, please feel free to add more suggestions to the queue so I may spend even more of 2017 in a happy escapist couch cocoon.