Hello! And welcome to my home. 

Please ignore the demonic horror-movie sludge growing through the wall in the bathroom. It's not yet fully sentient so you should be okay.

So siggggghhhhh and bleeeeeearrrrgh and welcome to homeownership. The shower door in the master bathroom started leaking over the summer and like good responsible adults we immediately did the following:

1) Ignore it.

2) Google it.

3) Caulk it. Just...caulk the shit out of it. 

4) Watch it.

5) It's getting worse, isn't it?

6) Like a lot worse.

7) Honey, I don't think the caulk did the trick.

8) MOAR CAULK!!1!

9) Ignore it some more.

10) ALL RIGHT FINE WALL, YOU WIN.

We're about 90% sure the leak is limited to the shower door frame (and there's no mold, for the record, just mildew and run-of-the-mill water damage that hasn't spread beyond that spot). But since there's really no way to know for sure without ripping out all the drywall and wall tile (and since replacing the door isn't exactly cheap on its own and wow, that would suck to replace it and then be all, OH LOOK THE DEMON SLUDGE IS BACK), we are redoing the whole shower. It's being smashed to hell right now as I type this. BOOM!

We actually wasted more time thinking we'd go ahead and do a major remodel of the entire master bath -- new sinks! knock down some walls! smash all the floors! get a fancy new tub! -- but then when the price estimates came in we were like, "Okay, we are 100% absolutely not doing any of that, thank you."

Instead, we're using up the leftover tile from the foyer/kitchen remodel because I love the woodgrain tiled shower look am cheap as fuck. Jason won't even tell me how much everything else cost because I will get hives and our Benadryl expired, but I did talk him out of a $700 shower head with a built-in sprayer attachment because 1) I would probably only use a built-in sprayer to bathe the dogs and 2) probably then only Beau and 3) probably then only if something super dramatic and gross happened, like if Poppy barfed on him or he rolled in poop and 4) SORRY, THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE A $700 SHOWER FIXTURE, I ALREADY GOTS ME A HOSE.

I have also cried uncle about the carpet and we are putting in hardwoods. I gave the carpet two years but I am sick of it and all the pet stealth-peeing I am pretty sure is happening way more than we realize. Puddles, I can deal with. Sitting on my freshly-vacuumed-and-shampooed floor and randomly realizing it still kind of smells bad, I cannot. So once the shower is put back together we get to rip up the rest of the house and my soothing* work-from-home environment will transform into a VERY LOUD construction zone. 

*lololol sure I've got both dogs with me in my office along with all their chews and toys and Poppy still managed to destroy my nice laptop sleeve the second I took my eyes off her. She was very, very sorry after I scolded her and then tried to crawl and sit on my lap, which: 




WHY DO I LOVE THIS GIANT DESTRUCTIVE BALL OF AWKWARD SO MUUUUUUCH.