Our iron broke yesterday morning. Jason discovered this when he went to iron Ezra's shirt for picture day (which woowowowowowwww tells you everything you need to know about Him As A Dad vs. Me As A Mom), and it wouldn't turn on or heat up or anything.
Good riddance. I hated that iron, as the steam setting never worked properly and always just dripped puddles of lukewarm water all over my clothes. Ten years, at least, I've hated that goddamn iron. Should I have just replaced it at some point? Of course! But then 1) that's one less thing in my life to bitch about, and bitching gives me life, and 2) come on. Does anybody remember the plastic wrap? I used that wretched, useless plastic wrap down to the last wretched, useless inch. Of course I'm not replacing a terrible iron.
So I ordered a new iron. And was delighted to realize that I could get one delivered the same day, for FREE. Like, I sat there for multiple minutes contemplating this logistical and technological marvel. What a time to be alive, when irons will magically show up at your door mere hours after your old one gives up the ghost. Iron-related emergencies are officially a thing of the past, people!
And so my iron arrived later that day, as promised. And I stared at it for awhile, because what the FUCK was I thinking? Why is this even here?
I didn't need to iron anything else yesterday. I barely iron anything, ever. I could've enjoyed a completely iron-less, slightly wrinkled existence for weeks, if not months, and never even noticed. What kind of adult am I even pretending to be here? People in Puerto Rico have no water or electricity and I'm like, "I DEMAND FREE SAME-DAY SHIPPING FOR SMALL HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES I WILL POSSIBLY NOT USE UNTIL 2018."
Anyway. It turned out Ezra's picture day was actually today, not yesterday.
I did not iron his shirt.