Oh! Look at the date. Just one more day 'til February Blah. Yay.
I've been locked in a somewhat all-consuming battle for health, both in brain and body and in the bodies of my children, who are every day getting sent to classrooms utterly decimated by the flu, a variety of stomach viruses and God knows what else. I'm stuffing their backpacks with donations of hand soap and antibacterial wipes and crossing my fingers our flu shots hold, but today I still woke up with a cough and a sore throat and an overwhelming feeling of blaargh.
Meanwhile, poor Ezra's developed migraines and is getting regularly knocked down with them, which oh my God. As a fellow migraine sufferer (and thus, likely the genetic reason he's getting them), I am soooo sorry, buddy. He can't even swallow pills yet and here I am, dosing fucking adult-sized migraines with grape-flavored liquid. (Yes, we're working with his doctor to make sure there's nothing else going on, but all signs so far just point to: Wow, migraines at nine years old. That sucks!)
And since we're on the topic of hollow, useless apologies to my children, I have another one to offer on behalf of the Brain Thing: Holy hell, have I been a total asshole to them. For months. A year, even. Maybe more than that. Now that I'm getting where I need to be, therapy and medication wise, a level of patience and even-tempered-ness has re-emerged from the depths. It actually takes me by surprise, when I realize my default reaction to low-level kid annoyances is no longer an angry snappish answer. Or yelling! I'm...not...yelling at them so damn much. And when I do, I actually HEAR MYSELF and can mentally step back and be like: Wow, you sound like a dick, knock it off.
Anyway, to my boys, who have never expressed an iota of interest in reading anything I've ever written about them here, let it be known that I put it on the Official Internet Mommyblog Record that I was not a bastion of perfect parenting via too many Instagram filters, I was an ill-tempered ragemonster who was irritated all the time and yelled too much and I am very sorry. You are awesome little humans and I really do love being your mother more than anything, even at 7 in the morning when we're out of cereal and you can't find any paa-aa-anntss.
Also, I pledge to work harder to be the kind of mom who actually deserves birthday cards like this one:
Although I feel like the accompanying portrait was surprisingly accurate: