If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text CONNECT to 741741 in the United States. I no longer recognize that version of myself. The version from the hospital, from the bathroom floor, and from long before the bathroom floor. The version who was sloooooowly being crushed under the weight of her anxiety, the one who walked around with a pained, twisted smile pretending to enjoy a conversation or activity but who was more than likely too preoccupied with arguing with some corner of her brain hissing thoughts like run, panic, window, glass, goodbye. The version who wanted to stay home, to stay in bed. For whom Jason would cautiously lock up all the Tylenol and Advil before leaving her alone. That particular safeguard started happening just over a year ago; we didn't get there overnight. The descent is slow and sneaky. I blamed my work stress, household stress, the election, that fucking garbage-haired racist buffoon, my period. There was always something I could point at and blame for why I was feeling so unsettled and unbearably anxious. (The depression, on the other... Read more →

So this happened! I wore my finest (and only) actual wedding dress and a bridal tank top, which is a thing that exists! Look at Jason aiming for silly but still landing on just plain handsome. He's so annoying like that. (Visible bra strap earns you +1,000,000 bonus Vegas points.) (While cracking up during the wedding ceremony earns you +1,000,000 marriage points.) We did it! And then promptly left the fancy vow renewal certificate in our Lyft. (Our driver found it and brought it back. Thank goodness, otherwise our 20-year marriage might have been INVALID or something.) Read more →

...and we're gonna get re-married. Jason and I are headed to Las Vegas this weekend for our long-planned vow renewal celebration. And yes, that's my original wedding dress in all it's poofy, polyester glory. It's coming with us, somehow, along with the rainbow Vans. (And no, the dress doesn't really still fit. I was 20 years old and lived on saltines I stole while waitressing! I shall be wearing it as a skirt and pairing it with a suitably tacky t-shirt for the occasion. Jason also has some hilarity planned for his outfit.) Anyway, we're excited! Vegas! Elvis! Ball gowns and Hawaiian shirts! It's all very us, to say the least. Read more →

Are you sick to death of other people's awkward back-to-school photos cluttering up all your feeds? WELL TOO BAD. HERE ARE MORE. AS REQUIRED BY BLOG LAW. I'm sorry. I don't make the rules. Seventh grade, still defiantly wearing a Minecraft shirt in the face of Fortnite, which he refuses to play on principle. (I don't know what that principle is exactly, he's just very adamant about not playing Fortnite. Up yours, peer pressure!) And fourth and second grade, respectively. We never have our act together enough to make cute little signs or anything, but I did manage to find some Post-Its to write their teachers' names and bus numbers on since they were both suddenly nervous about getting lost in the school they've been attending for years now. (To be fair, it's massive. I'm pretty sure you could fit my entire high school in the cafeteria.) (My high school didn't even have a cafeteria. Or fact-based science curriculum!) I did have my act together enough to make him eggs, however. He was very happy with them. He also came home SUPER EXCITED because the cafeteria now has a SALAD BAR. (A salad bar! My school definitely didn't have that.... Read more →