Thank you, as always, for your beautiful honesty. xo

Thinking of you and sending love and hugs

I'm glad you reached out and asked for help and good luck to Ike. Good luck to all of you

Amy, I have followed you and read your blog since before Noah. Your honesty and bravery is so commendable but also so raw and I just wanted to comment (something I never find time to do for some reason) that you just described how I've been semi-functioning the last few months. I type this in my pajamas, unkempt, unwashed hair, ten pounds heavier and lying about being "Fine" to everyone. Your honestly today was the wake up call I needed. I"m calling my doctor today. Thank you. I appreciate you. I see you. You're so loved.

I remember reading a post of yours and seeing my daughter take her first wobbly steps. I said as much in a comment and you said something tender and supportive back. So, know that it's ok to teeter, it's ok to grab on to things for support, and it is ok to fall, in fact, it's a part of the process. You are doing this and we are so proud of you and with you.

You recognised it. You did something about it. That is a huge thing right there. Wishing you all the best from Blighty. X

Thank you for continuing to tell your story, in your amazingly honest words. I hope you can feel how much we are rooting for you.

Progress is not a straight line. It's a bitch of a curly line that doubles back on itself and shoots off in random directions and most of the time you have no idea where it's going at all. But if you keep taking the next step, it's still progress.

I'm pretty sure you know PILES more about this than me but I could only think one potentially helpful thing while reading this: depression may be part of your brain's wiring but don't forget the part where there's been a general uptick in mental illness issues in the U.S. lately thanks to the horrible, shitty things coming out of the White House, etc. these days. It's not just you feeling shitty! Shitty people are doing shitty things and if you have a tendency toward Depression in the first place well then maybe you have an "episode" like you're experiencing. But HE is temporary, THEY are temporary. Amalah is FOREVA!

Your honesty continues to amaze me. I hope you are doing well today and I hope you will be better than today, tomorrow.

Love you! Hang in! I know it's not always easy, but we are here and we love you and we're with you.

I'm always and ever glad you are here, glad you are sharing, glad you are fighting. You are brave and true, no matter what those horrid lies tell you.

depression is like fucking glitter (i hate glitter) just when you think you have it all cleaned up and taken care of, pieces keep popping up here and there, and you feel like you’ll never get a head of it and have it cleaned up for good, but you can! and you will! 1 teeny tiny flick of glitter at a time

Thank you for your honesty.

You saw it, you spoke up, you did something. I'm so glad to hear it.

You can do this, Amy. You are doing the right thing being honest with your doctor and if an inpatient program turns out to be what you need, do it. Side note, I hope if he hasn't already, that Jason has a therapist and/or support system he can talk to as well...so often the spouse/partner is overlooked in these situations and their mental health can suffer as well.

It’s never as easy as one dip into the abyss and you’re done. I think what matters is not that you revisit it, but how you handle it - that’s where the progress is. If you recognized it and took responsibility for getting yourself booked into the doctor, you are so far ahead of the learning curve. Every time you revisit that place, you’ll learn something about your process, whether it’s what the early warning signs or what the triggers are, or a new piece of self care that helps lift you. It totally sucks being there, but if you are open to learning from each experience, you’ll understand yourself so much more too.

Depression is the damn worst. I'm just surfacing from a many weeks-long stint in the hole, and I'm here to reassure you, there is more than that hole.

I have been there. Right there. I hear you, and I am pulling for you.

One thing that I would suggest talking to your doctor about is what actually helped me. I was bleeding terribly every month, anemic and struggling with horrific extended clinical depression. I got the Mirena IUD to treat the anemia--and to close up the baby-making shop--and was stunned to realize the depression was lifting, too. A month after I got rhe IUD, I started stepping down the Welbutrin (with doctor supervision). After I was off that, stepped down off the Zoloft. Three months after I got it in, I was off both antidepressants and haven't needed them since--and it's been six years. Hormones are a bitch.

(Someone close to me is Bipolar and on meds for the rest of his life. I am NOT opposed to meds. But this is my experience.)

Keep keeping it honest, Amy. We all sincerely want the best for you, as does your physical clan that can actually help you when your brain wires go wacky, and so putting on a happy face for us is never necessary. Love of love to you.

It's going to be like a rollercoaster ride for you and everyone that loves you. Sad, but true. My son has a mental illness
and there have been so many ups and downs. You will be okay though. xxx

You CAN do it. Your honesty and sheer strength are so inspiring for those of us also struggling with that damn beast. And besides...we like you. We really, really like you!

Hi Amy. I’ve been a reader since my oldest daughter was a newborn (she’ll be 13 next month!), but this is the first time I’m commenting. Thank you for being so open and honest. Please know that it’s helping others to know they’re not alone. I’m struggling right now with anxiety/panic attacks and had my first thought a couple months ago that I could understand why people would not want to live like this. That was enough to scare me into dialing up my therapist. It’s still hard, but just that step means we’re doing OK. It will get better, it has to. But in the meantime, know that you’re not alone and we’re all holding each other up, even when we may not realize it. Hugs.

My heart breaks for you. I know the struggle, and I hate for you to be going through this. Much, much love from my little corner of the world.

Amy your honesty helps so many people, sometimes not even at the time, but later, when they need it. Sarah is right that hormones are a bitch. I got an IUD back in January, just last month after remembering a post you wrote about having problems with hormonal birth control (the one that goes in your arm, I think), I spoke to my husband about the possibility that mine was having an impact on my mental health. I knew I was having some physical side effects outside the norm, but I was less sure about it's effect on my mental well being. I had the sneaking suspicion that it was behind the huge spike in my anxiety and overall lack of patience and irritability. Long story short, I had it removed and am feeling so much more like myself. Your stories helped me be more self-aware and talk to my Dr. about problems I was having, even though on a low dose most people don't have issues, I did and you helped me see it and do something about it. I thank you and my husband and baby girl thank you.

I think this is a key part of these kinds of things. The up and the downswing. Your awareness is so great and you write about it all so beautifully. Thank you for sharing, as always, and what bravery to take a step to address it all.

I need to tell you that your journey is helping MY journey. It has made a huge impact on my very own healing. Thank you

I'm glad you can be honest, most importantly with yourself. As a fellow depression sufferer - depression is a bitch. I used to think, oh here, I've dealt with this one, I'm free, I'm fine. Nope. Something comes that disturbes the balance, a family member falls ill, someone close to you suffers, and the balance turns out to be very fragile and suddenly it's gone and all you (I) want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep. Forget washing hair, cleaning ... So yeah, I'm sorry, but know this, no promises to your readers needed. We're just rooting for you to do the best for yourself. Because you are delightful and precious in the best sense of this word. And that suffices.

Holding you in the light as you keep on keepin' on. Thank you for your honesty and for being here. You are loved and valued and needed so very much.

Love the 3 day rule!!! A good one. Put it on a post it and apply to your bathroom mirror so you see it and are reminded. Glad you caught this need for change earlier than last time. Life is a process.
Beyond what is happening in your immediate family, the bigger world with elections & the news generally is all an added load to un-stabilize people who are already dealing with chemical lumps and bumps. You are at an age when hormonal changes can also rock boats. Stable state hormones are something to discuss with your doctor, it can all be as trying as the onset puberty when hormones tweak and change and run riot.
Be good to you. Praise yourself with precision and say it out loud even for small things: I made the bed today, I paid bills, I worked for 4 hours for money, I fed my kids even when I was not hungry, my kids left for school on time today. THEN: ALSO: Go outdoors for at least 10 minutes (5 if it is freezing cold) and look to see some thing in nature that is beautiful. Clouds, tree branches, a flower, a bird, or even the colors in a dead leaf. Really LOOK at it. Because this world was created for your appreciation and we need to stop and give it that applause of seeing it.
Hang in. You are seen as an important gift to LOTS of people!

I’m so sorry. Depression is a fucking bitch. I had an experience in the past that I’ll pass on, just in case.

I had unending, horrid depression for about 3.5 years after my first daughter was born. Nothing made it better. Finally I figured out my Mirena (an IUD) was causing the problem. It’s a much longer story and maybe this is common knowledge (I hope it is) but hormonal birth control is often contraindicated for people with mental illness.

Anyway, I’m so sorry. Depression is brutal. I’ll keep you in my thoughts. Good luck!!!