Last March, a wind storm snapped a large branch off one the willow trees in our backyard. (Well, actually many, many branches, as seen here.) But one particular branch got...stuck...on its way down. Like so:

Being the responsible and capable homeowners that you know we sometimes seriously think about attempting to be, we saw two possible solutions:

1) Hire a tree company to come deal with it.

2) #BRANCHWATCH

So the branch has been stuck there for since last March. When we're outside on the deck we might stare at it, discuss the physics and trajectory that got it wedged where it is, and what it might take for it to finally fall down. It'd make good firewood, we'll say for the hundredth time, if we could just get it down from there. Sometimes we just complain about it, as it's especially noticeable and ugly and dead in the spring and summer because the willows are too spindly and sparse to camouflage it. The kids throw rocks and soccer balls at it from time to time. We all poke our heads outside after every subsequent snow or rain or wind storm to see if it's finally been rattled loose. 

But THE BRANCH doesn't budge an inch. THE BRANCH remains. THE BRANCH abides. 

THE BRANCH IS YOUR GOD NOW

Other options we've discussed:

1) Whether or not the fancy ladder Jason's parents gave us (that prompted its own foyer standoff) is tall enough to help us knock THE BRANCH down, plus the likelihood that one or both of us would end up hospitalized after the attempt because hi have you met us.

2) Sabering a champagne cork in its general direction. 

3) Throwing a tire at it. 

In the end, we just go back to ignoring it, except for when there's a small thrill of hope after a storm that maybe THIS TIME, THIS IS THE ONE. 

Like yesterday, after a good 24 hours of craaaaazy wild howling winds. They rattled the windows and brought entire trees down all over the neighborhood. Ike toppled backwards onto his backpack like a flipped-over turtle on his way to the bus stop. 

The winds knocked down a bunch of our neighbor's branches, and hooked a large random tarp onto our fence, which the dogs will not stop peeing on. I had to collect half the patio furniture covers from the backyard before they peed on those too. 

But it did not bring down THE BRANCH. 

I suppose I could write something cheesy and inspirational here about how we should all BE THE BRANCH, but...it's a dead ugly tree branch.

Don't be a dead ugly tree branch, I suppose is the lesson here. And also what do you think would happen if we just like, threw a chainsaw at it? That'd be pretty badass, right?