Apologies in advance for this random assortment of stories with no real point or connection; I am simply too beyond obsessed with the Entitled Rich People With Kids Who Don't SAT Good College Cheating Scandal story that I cannot go a 10 full minutes without refreshing my news feed. It's like the universe knew I was fresh out of Fyre Festival and Theranos documentaries/podcasts/memes and gave me a little gift of righteous schadenfreude, with an extra topping of fraud and Influencers and A GODDAMN DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE.
For the first time (....in forever) (gaaaahhhhh nooo what have I done) (I'm sorry, I could delete that and spare you but I refuse to suffer alone), I was NOT awoken by Noah's godforsaken foghorn of an alarm clock. Instead, I woke up to the blindingly bright flashlight on Jason's phone shining directly in my eyes at 6 a.m. while he frantically whispered:
Blood. There's so much blood.
He was running around pointing the light at the floor, at tiny drops of red near his side of the bed, out into the hallway and then to an alarmingly large puddle on the stairs.
"I don't know whose blood this is!" he said. "But there's a lot of it! Check the dogs! Find the cats!"
I stared at the floor half-asleep and massively confused, and then looked back at my husband.
"That's not blood. That's red wine. I think you spilled your wine?"
It was his turn to stare.
"Oh. You're right. I did. Never mind."
He left for work; I went back to bed. Neither of us cleaned up the wine.
Last night after dinner Ike randomly started doing dramatic barrel rolls all over the house while repeatedly screaming COOL GUYS DON'T LOOK BACK AT EXPLOSIONS over and over again. I approve!
Somehow, Ezra is now part of not one, but TWO separate cricket teams -- one representing his school, then a county-wide travel team -- so we're schlepping back and forth from practices three times a week. The actual game schedules haven't been finalized yet, so I don't even know what we're fully in for, especially since I'm still confused about:
1) How the whole two team thing happened; they just kept sending me registration forms for practice sessions and then team practice sessions and I thought they were for One Thing but no, this is a whole cricket EMPIRE with BRACKETS and TIERS and that's how they GET YOU and your ETERNAL SOUL and HALF OF YOUR WEEKNIGHTS AND WEEKENDS.
2) How I also got roped into not-exactly-volunteering-for-yet-here-I-am taking on the job of Team Mom for the school team, and...
3) Cricket. Just in general.
Anyway, Ezra's having fun. And I'm trying to fix my confusion over 3) as quickly as possible because I missed the part of the Team Mom description that mentioned tracking player and team statistics and I do not know how to do that at all. I'm so getting fired, I am sure of it.
Here is a mean thing that I did.