Springtime Freshen Up
Like a Bird

Eight. And One.

Saturday was Ike's eighth birthday. 

Sunday marked one year since my suicide attempt. 

So this weekend was...a lot.

And I have a lot of thoughts and reflections and bits and drips of a post about the day -- and that day -- but I'm not really feeling ready to untangle that particular mental snarl. At least not quite yet. 

Saturday was my baby's eighth birthday. 

He wanted a  super-chocolaty chocolate layer cake with vanilla icing and blue letters. And he wanted me to make it for him. 

I made the layers a bit too thick so the bottom one got a little crushed and lopsided under the weight, the icing turned out more glaze-like than I was expecting and kept melting off in the heat, and given that I already have the handwriting of a serial killer, piping letters on cakes never goes very well for me.

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But I was there. I was there and I made him a cake

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Comments

Joanna

Love.

Mel Gold

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Kirsty

Yay! The end of August will be 7 years since my most recent suicide attempt (which led to all kinds of fallout - 17 months in a psychiatric hospital, including 6 months in the secure, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest part, my elder daughter moving in permanently with her dad (she was only 10, and has never slept in "her" bed here in my flat ever since), my dad being sympathetic but undoubtedly further disappointed in my imperfections, crippling debt it took me 4 years to claw myself out of and, last but definitely not least, 12 sessions of electroshock therapy which resulted in memory loss but does appear to have dramatically dampened the suicidal, self-harming thoughts). It seems like an increasingly unreal part of my life that I now do my very best to ignore completely, though obviously the scars on my arms are a permanent reminder. You've made it through the first year, that's huge. And you made a cake. Yay!

Sue W.

Love. On both counts. ❤❤❤

Jennifer Crawford

So glad you are still here!! ;

ccr in MA

Happy birthday to Ike, and happy year-later to you!

Martha

So thrilled you are still here and doing well. Happy birthday, Baby Ike!!!

Elizabeth_K

I'm so, so, so glad.

EmilyG

Love and light to both of you. So glad you’re here.

Lori

Love to you. ❤️

Fraulein N

Glad you're here.

sheilah

...and that is the very best thing.

Amanda

I'm glad you were around to make the best birthday cake a kid for ask for! Happy Birthday Ike!

Lisa

All the best and then some. So very happy you could give him what he'd asked for.

Olivia

Just went back to read the article from last year. So touching. I love your A+ on your report. All the love to you.

Pat

So happy that you are still here; I’ve been loving your blog since Noah was a wee baby! Feels like I know you ❤️. I LOVE the cake - when I saw the pics I thought “oh looks just like all the birthday cakes I made for my kids year after year} not professional looking but made with so much love by a busy, imperfect mom. Keep being an amazing mama.

JB

I'm glad you're here. That cake is perfect.

Assvice you didn't ask for from tropical Australia... Freeze the cakes before you ice them. Helps them hold their shape and stops the icing melting.

Kate

So great to read this. I love that you made the cake and it doesn't matter that the lettering isn't perfect. I'm sure Ike LOVED it all the more. Happy birthday to Ike and lots of love for your continued success!

Kirstie

Oh...I’m crying a little. It’s the most perfect cake. So glad you’re still here. 💕

Beth

Jill

💗

JCharlotte

I am SOOOOOO SOOO glad you are here.

Please keep being here.

You are enough.

Jill

I've been reading you for years and rarely comment, but Happy Birthday, Ike! And Amy, I'm really glad you're here.

Brandi

Sending you hugs! I’m so glad you’re still here. And I can’t believe Baby Ike is 8 years old!

Christina

Love this post. The world is better with you here.

linda

No. Just No. Baby Ike cannot be 8 already. Best wishes to you, and him, and to all your beautiful family.

Kim

<3 There's nothing better than homemade birthday cake. Happy tears for you both!

Megan

I’m so happy Ike had a good birthday, and so glad you’re here to celebrate it and share with us.

Amanda

So much love <3

Margie s

Do you read Dooce? Go read A Nightmare Raving. I thought of you.

Shelly Kroll-Hancock

XXOO!

Marianne

You're so loved, Amy. We're all so glad you're here.

K

Cannot tell you what this did to my heart. Much, much love to you. You were there, you are here, you will be here. I'm so glad.

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