FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: Jake! Is doing absolutely amazing! And available for adoption! He's officially the calmest and best-behaved animal in my entire house, so you're getting a great deal there. I will miss his super-happy-to-see-you-OMG-butt-wiggles!!! greeting every morning so much.
SECOND ORDER OF BUSINESS: This door. Which apparently sucks. It's Ezra's.
This is absolutely SCANDALOUS language for Ezra, so you know he means it.
He's referring to the fact that once upon a time, Ike enjoyed locking doorknobs before leaving rooms, resulting in several hopelessly locked-from-the-inside doors that required the whole-ass removal of the doorknob. Several of these doorknobs were then re-installed by Me, and thus no longer quiiiiiiite right, because obviously. His door can now be opened even when it's locked, if someone (IKE) pushes on it hard enough.
He just wants a #*@%ing properly installed doorknob, god#&*@it.
FOURTH ORDER OF BUSINESS: Just as I am being totally haunted by the Isles of Sodor and the ghosts of Deodorant Wars, I am now being stalked by PENIS FRUIT STICKERS.
FIFTH ORDER OF BUSINESS: Please look at this photo my cat, who I think is very pretty.
That is all! Have a nice weekend.