Jason's been away all week for work, which means...well, not a whole lot except that I get to temporarily feel super superior at both ping pong and Mario Kart. (My kids are not that great at ping pong or Mario Kart.) I also didn't have anyone to watch the Democratic debate with last night, and thus no one to stop me from buying a BOOT EDGE EDGE t-shirt. I did stop myself from buying an Elizabeth Warren t-shirt because I realized it's probably tacky to wear a t-shirt that says the exact same thing as your forearm tattoo, and this is a fashion rule I just made up. Dress yourselves accordingly. (I'm still considering a tote bag tho.) Anyway, every time Jason travels I have this compulsion to send him photos of the kids eating any meals I make. Like as evidence that I am capable of providing our offspring with basic sustenance in his absence, even though I do 99% of the weeknight cooking anyway. But here! Behold the well-balanced meal I have prepared! Tomorrow will probably be frozen waffles and chocolate milk for dinner but not tonight! Tonight we feast across allllll the food groups! These particular photos... Read more →

1. First, they will attempt to convince you to also join an amateur ping pong league, as their team needs three more people. 2. You will tell them NO. Never in a million years will you join an amateur ping pong league, because you are terrible at ping pong and even more terrible at losing. 3. They will text all your friends to see if THEY want to join an amateur ping pong league. 4. Your friends all respond with their personal favorite variation of a WAIT WHAT? gif and then politely change the subject. 5. The league will manage to sign up three other teamless/friendless losers and complete the team. 6. They will volunteer to be team captain because "nobody else wanted to." 7. They will be lying. And also a little giddy. 8. It's actually kind of cute! 9. A very specific, very fancy ping pong paddle will arrive in an Amazon box. You will laugh at the fancy box and ask them if they actually plan to carry the paddle around in the fancy box. They will say no. 10. They will be lying. A specialty paddle care and cleaning kit will show up along the way... Read more →

Hiiiiiii. How are you? I've been okay! Okay. Well, that's probably a flat-out lie, or at least a wild exaggeration. It's actually been a rough couple weeks. Everything's fine, of course. I've just been...kinda sad again, and overwhelmed by...everything, again. Kids have camp drop-off at 8:30? Gonna squeeze in at least three vivid anxiety dreams about fucking it up between the hours of 1 and 5:30 a.m. Conference call at 10 a.m.? Better start worrying about Skype not working by 9, triple check the meeting invite around 9:30, start staring at clock at 9:45, then contemplate various imaginary reasons for missing it altogether at 9:59. Two whole text messages from two whole separate people? Better just ignore those for awhile (because they COULD just be saying hi but they ALSO COULD be full of bad and terrible news and/or calling me a bad and terrible friend). Can later just pretend my phone broke, or something. (SPOILER ALERT: they were just saying hi.) Things have regulated back out this week, I'm happy (what a word!) to report. I've made the jump between "getting through the day with the bare minimum of necessary executive functioning to survive" and like, "being a normal... Read more →