Everything That Happens When Your Significant Other Joins An Amateur Ping Pong League

We Need an Adult

Jason's been away all week for work, which means...well, not a whole lot except that I get to temporarily feel super superior at both ping pong and Mario Kart. (My kids are not that great at ping pong or Mario Kart.) I also didn't have anyone to watch the Democratic debate with last night, and thus no one to stop me from buying a BOOT EDGE EDGE t-shirt. I did stop myself from buying an Elizabeth Warren t-shirt because I realized it's probably tacky to wear a t-shirt that says the exact same thing as your forearm tattoo, and this is a fashion rule I just made up. Dress yourselves accordingly. 

(I'm still considering a tote bag tho.)

Anyway, every time Jason travels I have this compulsion to send him photos of the kids eating any meals I make. Like as evidence that I am capable of providing our offspring with basic sustenance in his absence, even though I do 99% of the weeknight cooking anyway. But here! Behold the well-balanced meal I have prepared! Tomorrow will probably be frozen waffles and chocolate milk for dinner but not tonight! Tonight we feast across allllll the food groups! 


These particular photos also serve as evidence that I am not letting them eat on top of his precious ping pong table, which you can see (half of) leaning against the wall in the background. The other half is in our foyer. This does not bother me at all and I do not find it annoying in the slightest, oh no. Interior design is my passion. 

Also sitting propped against a random wall: A large box containing a life-sized Pennywise cut-out, which Jason bought for pranking Noah with around the house. Or scarring him for life! Who knows. We had a good responsible parenting run there; almost 14 years old seems like a good age to start screwing him up for kicks. 

I'm kidding. Noah loves loves loves jump scares and scary movies, particularly anything he deems a "classic." (Translation: Garbage from the '80s.) He's asking to see It Chapter 2 in the movie theater ("Dude, you made us leave The Lion King early, like the original cartoon one!" "Yeah, that was back when I was still a CHILD, Mom!") and begging us to let him watch Jaws. I have sat through re-watching the original Halloween, Child's Play and Poltergeist with him and have offered up both Blair Witch and The Exorcist as other scary movies I can tolerate, but I am (so far) holding firm on Jaws. Which I saw for the very first time when I was 39 damn years old and it scared me so much I hid behind the couch and CRIED, because we were leaving for a beach vacation the next week and WHY. WHYYYYYY DID I WATCH THIS.

(I just realized that maybe Jason bought the Pennywise for scaring someone other than just Noah. I must now go plot some anticipatory revenge.)






Fear is so subjective. I saw Jaws again recently and almost dozed off in the middle of it, but The Exorcist is the stuff of nightmares for me. Your breakdown of tolerable/intolerable reminds me of a friend who loves the magical/religious/fantastical evil horror stuff (Exorcist, Drag Me to Hell, Child's Play) but hates anything that could theoretically happen in ordinary life (eg, Jaws, Silence of the Lambs). Is that how you feel?


WE don’t own a life size Pennywise but my husband still tells our son to “watch out for the scary clown” when our son heads upstairs to bed. Must be a dad thing.


On other horribly timed movie screenings - way back in 2006, my dad and I rented Poseidon the night before we went on a cruise. Probably not the best choice, that.


With all my heart this Canadian is hoping for a Warren/Boot-edge-edge ticket.


OMG the tire furniture. I died.


T-shirt matched to your tattoo: better or worse than wearing the band's t-shirt to the show?

Ike's corn brandish is killing me. Seriously, I'd get a photo ornament made of that and hang it on my tree every Christmas. If it were my kid. Not a creeper.


If you're looking for something that is subtly scary but still a really good watch, I recommend Ghost Stories https://m.imdb.com/title/tt5516328/
I'm generally a giant chicken about horror movies and I did have to pause this and take a break a couple of times, but it's really good.

Sue W,

I am older than you and I have NEVER seen The Exorcist. Jaws never bothered me and I have lived less than 10 miles from the Gulf of Mexico my entire life.
I am hoping that Pete BootEdgeEdge gets the nod over Biden.

Elaine C. B.

Not exactly a scare thing - but for April Fool's Day my friend got a giant Jeff Golfblum shower curtain and hung it up in her husband's bathroom. We were all there when he discovered it. We heard a distinctly girl scream, followed by intense laughter. It was pretty good, and Jeff is still hanging out in the bathroom.

Amy in StL

OMG, how have you not bought any Amy Klobuchar stuff? I needed all the things that said, "Amy for America" on them... Because I am Amy and I am For America.


My almost 10 year old watched Jaws and deemed it "boring." This is also a child who still to this day will not sit through The Lion King. Fear is definitely subjective.

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