I was finally, at last, officially issued mah gubbermint ID badge yesterday. And despite the cheery encouragement from the woman who took my photo, the badge features what can only be described as THE WORST PHOTO OF ME EVER TAKEN.
Actually, that's not the only way to describe it. After sending a celebratory selfie to a handful of friends, they responded with the following descriptions of the photo:
That does not look like you!
Holy weird 70s hostage lighting
You just look like a Karen
I was gonna say a 1950s Appalachian grandma
I see eye sockets but no eyeballs? Where are your teeth? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE
None of them are wrong. I, personally, cannot figure out how I manage to look sort of...melted? And also very swollen? While all my facial features kind of...shrunk? I'm like a puffy, well-fed hostage-ghoul of some kind.
(Less creatively and more bluntly: I look old, and I look fat. Hooray! What a terrific confidence booster to have hanging around my neck every day.)
Anyway, now that I've gone on and on about it, I guess I should just go ahead and post the damn photo, right? It's not like I have any pride or dignity left, right?
(Yeah, no way. It's THAT BAD.)