Back in early May, Ike scolded about not updating my website enough. I told him I didn't really have anything interesting to post about, so he ordered me to take a photo of him right there and then. 

"There. Now you have something interesting for your website."

That was over a month ago, and yet I still didn't update my website as ordered. And then Ike's birthday (oh hi he's TEN now, all the Amalah babies are DOUBLE DIGITS now, don't you feel your bones disintegrating into ANCIENT DUST now) came and went and I still didn't update my website.

I didn't want the site to officially devolve into something that only got updated on/around their birthdays, so...well. I guess I sure showed me! The site has officially devolved into a shining testament to both procrastination and my own very weird logic. 

Anyway, hello! It's a random Monday in June! LET'S BLOG THE HELL OUT OF IT.

Tomorrow is everyone's last day of the Weirdest School Year Ever. Noah will spend it waving at people on his Chromebook screen. Ezra will attend in-person and distribute handmade letters and art projects to his favorite teachers, which are technically all of them, and here's where I'm going to shamelessly brag a little but IT'S MY SELF-INDULGENT WEBSITE THAT I NEVER UPDATE, GET UR OWN: Ezra got not just straight As, but straight A-pluses, and will be moving into additional Gifted & Talented classes next year, and is just kind of all-around killing it/hashtag goals. 

Ike will also attend his last day in-person, and after a rough start, a positively brutal middle, he is ending the year on a high note, and that high note contains a P.S. that says VIRTUAL LEARNING CAN BITE MY BUTT HASHTAG NEVER AGAIN.

(Also P.P.S. MY MOTHER IS NOT HOMESCHOOLING MATERIAL.)

Okay, there's already entirely too much CAPS LOCK going on here, even for me. Let me see if I can get through some other updates in a calmer, more rational manner.

Jason, Noah, Ezra and I are vaccinated! Ike is very much ready for his turn, even though he witnessed the dreaded side effect of "making parents be rude to their children" first hand! (His exact words. I'm sorry! The second shot made me very tired and grumpy.)

Last week, I realized there was a cicada on my leg in the middle of the wine store! I shrieked and flipped out and flicked it off and I think it landed somewhere behind the boxed rose! Peak Hot Vax Summer right there, amirite?

I did not get fired from the job I started this time last year! In fact, I got a promotion! I have yet to meet a single coworker in person! I'm sure those two points are completely unrelated!

Jason had spinal surgery! It was scary but very much the right call and probably should have happened sooner! If you or a loved one suffer from excruciating back pain from bulging/herniated discs I highly recommend just getting the damn discectomy done, as it will change all of y'all's lives! But also! If you or a loved one know you have bulging/herniated discs without the excruciating pain part, I do NOT recommend you try at-home Unsupervised Pandemic Basement Crossfit! Take it from me and all these exclamation points!!!!!!

Okay, I just swapped one stylistic tic for a different one. Am I just really rusty at this or am I revealing a desperate, unmet need for EMPHASIS!!! that only blogging could fill?

Moving on. Since it's been a minute, here's what I look like now:

Are those UGG boots in the background? Yes, those are UGG boots in the background, like the same actual circa 2004/2005 UGG boots that I believe I once agonized about buying here on this very site, because those were simpler yet judgier times. How the mighty(ish) influencers have fallen!

Or maybe that's one of the rare, freeing upsides of this whole shitass...everything: It's 2021, UGGs are comfy, and no one gives a fuck about your shoes or your website.