I really want to delete my Facebook account. And Instagram, while I'm at it, to a lesser degree. I wiped my Twitter account ages ago, but that was hardly a sacrifice -- I was only ever on Twitter because oh my God, you have a blog and/or write for another blog, you have to be On Twitter! You can't not be On Twitter!
But I never loved Twitter. It gave me a weird, low-level anxiety -- way too much of everything, all of the time -- and I never particularly excelled at being funny or engaging in a format that did not allow for paragraph-length run-on sentences. And I think a huge chunk of my followers were just blue eggs who signed up circa 2008/2009 to see what the fuss was about, took Twitter's suggestion that I was someone to follow because they checked "Parenting" or "Humor" or "Deodorant" as topics of interest, then never logged in again. (And yet I could never get my account verified for some reason??) Eventually I only used it to cross-post blog or Instagram links before finally deciding: This is dumb, and I'm not going to do it anymore.
Facebook is not dumb, just kind of increasingly evil in an echo-chamber-mining-your-life-for-data-while-destroying-society way? And then there's Instagram -- the one social media app I really did legitimately enjoy using, back when my timeline was CHRONOLOGICAL and not full of BRANDS selling things that are CREEPILY RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS, and now I can't even scroll down far enough to find the photos you just posted of your cat or new baby because the algorithm thinks I need to see some celebrity-I-don't-remember-following's #sponcon from yesterday and/or buy a t-shirt with an extremely niche/obscure pop culture reference on it first. Dammit. I do want that shirt.
(Good god, are you listening to this? When did I get like this? Should I go outside and yell at a cloud? Post an upside-down video of my thumb on the camera to Tik Tok?)
But deleting those accounts would likely cut off my connection to so many people -- other OG bloggers from back in the day, blog readers and commenters I've befriended over the years, literally hundreds and hundreds of random Internet People I've met along the way, all people I like to check in on every now and then to see photos of their cats and babies but aren't like, "here's my phone number, don't ever fucking call it"-level friends with. Like, how would I keep in touch with those people? Like, by writing emails? (DO YOU REMEMBER WRITING EMAILS?) If I take a nice photo of my cat and don't have Instagram, what would I even do with it? If I publish a blog post and don't share it on Facebook, does it even exist?
(Also, lest you think I'm judging anyone else's social media preferences or relationships with problematic big tech companies: My phone and phone service are Google, I am completely dependent on Amazon Prime, Alexa is surely spying on us from almost every room, and I am definitely subscribed to some questionable and/or embarrassing subreddits.)
Anyway. I'm not really sure where I am going with this, or even why I decided to even start with this, out of the blue, when I have a million other things I could and should write about. (The pets are great and I have extensive photo evidence of this! We went to the beach and had the best time! We remodeled multiple bathrooms back-to-back and it was not the best time! I had a minor mental breakdown over figs! Figs!! And then Noah turned SIXFUCKINGTEEN!!!) I guess I ventured on Twitter for the first time in ages yesterday (not to actually tweet; I wanted to read all the takes on Bad Art Friend), and while I was there I saw everybody's jokes from Monday about Facebook and Instagram going down for hours. I hadn't even noticed.
The last time I checked Instagram was Sunday night, during our born-of-quarantine-pizza-and-a-movie night, when I briefly thought about posting this photo of everyone's ridiculously long antelope legs. I couldn't think of a good caption, and then Noah noticed I was on my phone and told me I was "missing all the good parts" of the movie. (We were watching Jumanji: The Next Level, soooo...) But he wasn't wrong.
I put my phone away instead.