Kids Are Weird, But So Am I

This post is sponsored by Chronicle Books. Here's a little bonus protip from me, professional blooper booger blogger, about the proper way to reply to a sponsored post proposal. When asked if I'd be interested in writing a post about Jeffrey Brown's Kids Are Weird, I had some kind of weird initial fangirl brain moment and without thinking, responded with an all caps "NO WAY!" Two minutes later I followed up with a clarification that I meant "NO WAY!" in like, an excited way? Like Elaine from Seinfeld screaming "GET OUT!" at people? I meant "yes, count me in" but for some reason decided to scream words that meant the exact opposite of that? Luckily, they were able to translate and understood that I would be thrilled to put my Clearly Excellent Writing Skills and Superior Way With Words to work on behalf of Kids Are Weird. We own a bunch of Brown's other books, for reasons that I'm sure will baffle and astound you: Darth Vader and Son, Vader's Little Princess and Star Wars Jedi Academy. (cough NERDS cough) I bought the last title for Noah in the San Diego airport after my recent trip there, and then worried... Read more →

Mommy, Read Me A Story About Death & Destruction

We're headed back to Pennsylvania AGAIN this weekend, travel exhaustion and desperate homebody desires to sit on the couch be damned. Grandma's memorial service in on Sunday. We're taking the boys, since it's really not a "funeral" -- no viewing or casket or urn, just a family-and-friends gathering at her nursing home. My mother-in-law thinks their presence will be a welcome distraction for everybody, especially Grandma's remaining friends, who do always adore visiting grandchildren, no matter who they "belong" to. (Of course, my mother-in-law also thought it was totally appropriate to take the boys to visit Grandma last week, when we were in New York, and she was officially on her deathbed -- a decision that, after Jason saw Grandma on Saturday, he was little upset about. Yes, it's a natural part of life and all but HE was so rattled and shaken by how sick and already dead she looked, and would have preferred our two- and five-year-old children being spared that particular sight. Or at the very least, being consulted ahead of time would have been nice.) (Free babysitting! No such thing. There's always a price tag. Like say, your babysitters jumping the gun on the whole death... Read more →

There's No Crying In Blogball

It's been brought to my attention that my last couple posts have made a somewhat extraordinary number of you cry. At work, or other embarrassing places/occasions to be caught crying. Obviously, I assume MOST of you are exaggerating for the sake of affect (takes one to KNOW ONE, if you know what I mean), but I guess I do need to take some of you at your word and apologize for all the virtual sucker-punches, and promise that there will be nothing of the sort in today's entry. (BAM! SUNRISE SUNSET! MAGIC BABIES! PERSONAL GROWTH AND SHIT! GRAINY iPHONE PICTURES BECAUSE MY REAL CAMERA IS BUSTED! BAM BAM BAM!) (What? No good? Not doing anything for ya? Oh well.) Let's see if I can inspire some different emotions today. First up... ANGER I finally typed "Mockingjay" into Google this morning to figure out what the freaking frack everybody was talking about on Twitter yesterday, and what exactly we're giving away on Mamapop today. Spoiler alert! It's a book! Now here is my dilemma: 1) Take all of you at your word that it's omg!thebestthing!ever! and start the series at the beginning, looking for all the world like a shameless fad-follower... Read more →

Ephemera Thursday

Today! I accomplished nothing! Except the continued life-sustaining of two small reckless humans, the consumption of an entire package of American cheese slices, and a small handful of additions to the When You Marry gallery, covering chapters six and seven: Will Yours Be A Happy Marriage? and Wedding Plans. The former is mostly obsessed with warning the Youth Of America about the dangers of marrying someone who know...different than you. different. Or...well, okay, we're just going to use the word "culturally" a lot and hope that you GET OUR DRIFT, OKAY? The wedding chapter is actually rather boring, as very little has changed in the spectacularly dull world of wedding etiquette. Except for the price tag -- couples who got carried away with their wedding plans could ultimately spend close to $4,000. Take heed, Youth Of America! One day you will instill similar values in your bratty-ass kids and spend 10 times that on a sweet 16 birthday party while MTV tapes your daughter dirty dancing with someone very, VERY different than she is, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Unfortunately Brenda does not add any commentary to these chapters, so I'm afraid we'll never know if she... Read more →

Select Book Reviews From the Storch Family Library

FULL DISCLOSURE: I was not paid to do any of these reviews and I paid for all of these books with my own cash money, except for maybe one or two that I received as political campaign hush incentives Christmas presents from my mom. Also, these are not actually reviews at all, because whatever, like I care about giving you people useful content. I mean, really. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? Noah (at age 3 months to like, two years): Awesome! Eric Carle's finest work. A tour de force of meter and rhyme and bright colors and OMFG PURPLE CAT AAAHAAAA HAA HAAAAA. Ezra (like, always, and still): I hate this book. Stop reading me this book. Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear? Noah: *learns a very important lessons about the inevitable disappointment of sequels* Panda Bear, Panda Bear, What Do You See? Amy: "And that's how George Lucas and the Wachowski brothers ruined their franchises. The end. Goodnight, sweetie." Peek-a-Boo Baby Faces! Noah: Are you kidding me with this nonsense? Photos of stupid babies with one word of text per page? Honestly, Mother, I'm not sure what's worse: that you paid money for this... Read more →