Haiku Smackdown : Mullets, Drunks & Internet Clichés
June 03, 2004
Website crashes, long
weekends deter us not...the
Smackdown lives on, yo.
We're disorganized
and a tad drunk, but still we
soldier on for 'ku.
Onward, brave 'kuers!
Through mullets, white trash and drunks!
Lay some smack, bitches!
(Click on a thumbnail for full version.)
JonBenet grows up,
royal icing on her head;
cash advance book deal!
Posted by: jilbur | June 03, 2004 at 06:43 AM
I love my bike. No--
you don't understand--I mean,
Biblically, man.
Posted by: jilbur | June 03, 2004 at 06:46 AM
Beer goggles won't do.
This is a job that calls for
scorpion bowl specs.
Posted by: jilbur | June 03, 2004 at 06:48 AM
Busted in public
library for downloading
nun-on-nun action.
Posted by: jilbur | June 03, 2004 at 06:50 AM
Bubba dared me to
dip mah thang in the mustard--
things got outta hand.
Posted by: jilbur | June 03, 2004 at 06:53 AM
Ready for mug shot
benzoyl peroxide would help;
maybe some Visine?
somehow, the long hair
in the back softens effect
of Hitler mustache.
Posted by: jilbur | June 03, 2004 at 06:55 AM
Mine eyes deceive me.
No. I refuse to believe
mullet family.
Posted by: jilbur | June 03, 2004 at 06:58 AM
Look, its The Mullets
right before they went to the
Quiet Riot show.
Posted by: Chris | June 03, 2004 at 07:19 AM
Sister Catherine looks
for some good Internet porn.
Sadly, she finds nun.
Posted by: Chris | June 03, 2004 at 07:21 AM
Paris Hilton at
age eight, finalist in Miss
Future Ho Pageant.
Posted by: Chris | June 03, 2004 at 07:23 AM
Amy ponders - "Is
it wise to consume a drink
larger than my head?"
Posted by: Chris | June 03, 2004 at 07:27 AM
We're celebrating
The release of PoA
With couldron baking
Like those spider mold
Or Easy-Bake ovens, cause
One day 'tul Harry!!!
Posted by: Chrissy | June 03, 2004 at 08:09 AM
The poor little girl
Forced to look like Chuck Norris
And B.R. Cyrus
Posted by: Chrissy | June 03, 2004 at 08:13 AM
Sister Marie finds
The best secret on the web:
Now she 'kus all day!
Posted by: Chrissy | June 03, 2004 at 08:17 AM
Despite Manson eyes
And mullet style, dude's hair looks
Kind of healthy, no?
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 03, 2004 at 08:23 AM
I'm all for mustard
fights but taking pictures? Please,
I still have my pride!
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 08:25 AM
Fave part of mustard
Man pic? Folks gathered like they
Paid to see this shit.
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 03, 2004 at 08:26 AM
Know the old saying?
Families that spray together,
They stay together
Posted by: Oliquig | June 03, 2004 at 08:26 AM
Mullet kid is really
15 years old. Aerosol
hairspray stunts growth, y'all.
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 08:28 AM
Li'l beauty queen forced
to hold cash at gunpoint. "I'm
happy Ma, I swear!"
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 03, 2004 at 08:29 AM
My big crown brings all
the boys to the yard, damn right,
it's bigger than yours.
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 08:30 AM
Nun knows the ropes of
surfing now that she's gotten
into the habit.
Posted by: Chris | June 03, 2004 at 08:41 AM
I need a Divorce,
MrZoot does not have the
rockin' mullet 'do!
Posted by: Zoot | June 03, 2004 at 08:48 AM
Well, there's one way to
Prevent bike theft. But why share
The blanket too, Bo?
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 03, 2004 at 08:52 AM
What puts me off more?
That its larger than my head?
Or the scads of smoke?
Posted by: Oliquig | June 03, 2004 at 08:54 AM
Momma says with this
money, I can finally
get the boob job now!
Posted by: Oliquig | June 03, 2004 at 08:57 AM
Does that family
Keep that portrait on their wall?
Or is it hidden.
Also - what gender
Is that poor mullet offspring?
Cant tell, boy or girl?
Posted by: Zoot | June 03, 2004 at 08:58 AM
Oh no not the nun!
Another victim falls to
Internet gambling
Posted by: Oliquig | June 03, 2004 at 08:59 AM
Think mullet kid's a
Boy, and that pic's on their wall,
With ninety others.
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 03, 2004 at 09:04 AM
The flesh-colored thing
in the corner worries me
more than the mustard.
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | June 03, 2004 at 09:07 AM
Why am I dead sure
the motorcycle pic was
snapped in a motel?
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | June 03, 2004 at 09:09 AM
He wanted to see
If Queer Eye would fix him up
But they were too scared.
Posted by: Oliquig | June 03, 2004 at 09:34 AM
The Mullet Family
Brought to you by Breck Shampoo
Where is the Trans Am?
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 09:39 AM
It's Tanya Harding
She's preparing for a fight
Needs more Tequila
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 09:42 AM
Cash for the plastic
surgery-slash-rehab fund!
Mama, we can share!
Should be enough for
boobs for me and teeth for you.
Let's go hock this crown!
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | June 03, 2004 at 09:43 AM
The delicate pearls
around Mullet Mom's neck add
a nice touch of class.
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 09:44 AM
Everyone should know
"Do you know the Mustard Man"
Potato Salad
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 09:44 AM
Mean Mister Mustard
sleeps in the park in a van
down by the river.
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 09:46 AM
Loni Anderson
Looking back on early years
Who would have seen it?
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 09:46 AM
Behold! This is the
real reason Amy hasn't
been posting so much.
Still trying to crawl
out of that fishbowl (but look
how happy she seems)!
Posted by: Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv | June 03, 2004 at 09:46 AM
Beauty queenette should
spend that dough on a dress NOT
made out of icing.
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 09:48 AM
I am pissed off now
That guy's sleeping with my bike
My bike is a ho!
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 09:49 AM
Another reason
No to drink while you're driving
You wake up with that?
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 09:51 AM
Nothing says real love
like a bed full of fat guy
and a motor bike.
Posted by: Morty's Buddy | June 03, 2004 at 09:53 AM
I'm wondering how
They got a picture of him
Amalah's Boyfriend?
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 09:54 AM
Sister Mary was
soon busted for downloading
MP3s of hymns.
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 09:55 AM
"You mean this is not
the way I'm supposed to make
the special sauce dude?"
Posted by: Morty's Buddy | June 03, 2004 at 09:56 AM
"When big hair transplants
go very wrong" on the next
Jerry Springer - Yo.
Posted by: Morty's Buddy | June 03, 2004 at 09:57 AM
Nun looks familiar
Yes, Mindy put a caption
"Oh Baby right there".
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 09:57 AM
The pretty Amy
says, "Dude, I SO ordered the
LARGE drink. You dumbass."
Posted by: Morty's Buddy | June 03, 2004 at 09:59 AM
Genuine! You know
mah boyfriend was back-hair man
from a few weeks back.
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 09:59 AM
Oh God please no more
I think I lost my breakfast
That dude made my meal!
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:00 AM
Trans Am's out front, propped
On cinder blocks – no wait,
Crazy eyes stole it.
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 03, 2004 at 10:01 AM
The Nun in Smackdown
She is good at making ku
tongue helps her counting!
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:03 AM
Nun thinks to herself,
"Yeah, there he is that sexy
Rude Cactus. Oh babe."
Posted by: Morty's Buddy | June 03, 2004 at 10:03 AM
Suspect those aren't pearls
But Mardi Gras beads. Loving
The turtleneck, though.
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 03, 2004 at 10:03 AM
From the floor, pickles
scream "Oh! The humanity!
Condiment carnage!"
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 10:03 AM
Not knowing his date
His favorite position
Lee finds happiness
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:04 AM
Mullet Man tries to
clear up zit with the heat of
his furious gaze.
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 10:06 AM
Amy ponders how
To take a sip when the damn
Straw's at eye level.
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 03, 2004 at 10:08 AM
Why was she always
asking for another straw
Mindy drinks solo!
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:08 AM
Motorcycle man
takes "boring the cylinders"
a little too far.
Posted by: Morty's Buddy | June 03, 2004 at 10:09 AM
I'd love to know what
Happened: oven racks, pickles,
Tomatoes. The hell?
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 03, 2004 at 10:10 AM
Please don't tell my wife
What happens in Las Vegas
never is revealed.
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:11 AM
Bike lies awake and
wondering: Should I buy him
breakfast? Or just scoot?
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 10:11 AM
Mindy's career as
Miss Midget is short lived once
puberty arrives.
Posted by: Morty's Buddy | June 03, 2004 at 10:12 AM
Please tell me they won't
Serve the mustard, or the beef
Patties on TV.
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 03, 2004 at 10:14 AM
Mustard Man says, "Dude,
Alvin and the Chipmunks?
Are you serious?"
Posted by: Morty's Buddy | June 03, 2004 at 10:15 AM
(By the way, y'all can
win a date with Mustard Man.
No, for real. For. Real.)
click here, condiment lovers
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 10:16 AM
Please meet Miss Mullet
Circa 1982
She paid for her crown.
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:17 AM
Photo commemorating
the lucky escape
from yesterday's lightning strike
Posted by: Trish | June 03, 2004 at 10:18 AM
Looking like Pee Wee
He would be wrongly accused
Playing with himself.
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:19 AM
Seeing Lee in bed
I am so haikuing this!
He has horsepower!
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:22 AM
Fat Guy gives meaning
Hold the mustard and pickles
He is literal!
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:24 AM
Something just tells me
That someone will be paying
For hotel cleaning
Posted by: Oliquig | June 03, 2004 at 10:25 AM
Tammy Faye Baker
Making her first donation
To PTL Club!
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:28 AM
Tammy Faye Baker
Making her first donation
To PTL Club!
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:31 AM
Colonel Mustard's son,
the somewhat less successful
Private Bo Mustard.
Posted by: Chris | June 03, 2004 at 10:39 AM
Bloodshot mullet guy
resembles the super on
One Day At A Time.
Posted by: Chris | June 03, 2004 at 10:41 AM
Twenty Five Thousand?
Amber thought there would be more
Mindy thought so too!
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:42 AM
You want literal?
Ed took the phrase "ride a bike"
too seriously.
Posted by: Chris | June 03, 2004 at 10:43 AM
The high price of gas
Has some sleeping with their bikes
getting their mileage.
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:46 AM
When he was done, Ed
lit a smoke. Both Ed and the
bike were blown to bits.
Posted by: Chris | June 03, 2004 at 10:48 AM
That motorcycle's
been around the block a few
times, know what I mean?
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 10:49 AM
How much you wanna
bet all that cash went towards
lottery tickets?
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 10:52 AM
The before picture
This man belongs on the swan
He needed some help!
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:56 AM
I bet the Mullet
Family gets teased a lot.
Get it? Teased? Sorry.
Posted by: Chris | June 03, 2004 at 10:57 AM
The loud pipes save lives
Then the quiet nes get laid
How do your pipes sound?
Posted by: Genuine | June 03, 2004 at 10:58 AM
Mustard Jar sez "kill...
me..." but it is too late. Grim
scene from 'Alien'
Posted by: spammit | June 03, 2004 at 11:03 AM
"Evacuate bowl!"
Cried fish whose habitat was
poisoned with green sludge.
"A fine solution!"
Said evil bartender who
poisoned his girlfriend.
Posted by: Snowball | June 03, 2004 at 11:03 AM
"You talkin' to me?
Naw, dude. you can't pull it off.
De Niro you ain't.
Posted by: jilbur | June 03, 2004 at 11:04 AM
I'll blackmail that bitch
Mother Superior--found
her old nudie pix!
Posted by: jilbur | June 03, 2004 at 11:07 AM
Angry mugshot man
fails to grasp why most women
don't want to date him.
Posted by: Snowball | June 03, 2004 at 11:08 AM
Don't know if I'd drink
Something that could double to
Tell me my future
Posted by: Oliquig | June 03, 2004 at 11:16 AM
Tragically, a week
after this pic is taken
his ex slashed the tires
Posted by: spammit | June 03, 2004 at 11:19 AM
Its a new pastime
That's just sweeping the nation:
Take your own mugshot!
Posted by: Oliquig | June 03, 2004 at 11:20 AM
Mustard man lost bet -
kitchen rat DID fit in jar
but did NOT like it
Posted by: spammit | June 03, 2004 at 11:24 AM
Oh holy lord god.
That little girl went to a
tanning booth, I'll bet.
Posted by: Amalah | June 03, 2004 at 11:30 AM
Sister Marie was
Shocked at fetish porn popups
She said, "Holy shit!"
Posted by: Chrissy | June 03, 2004 at 11:31 AM
Hey Sister, you should
drop porn like a bad habbit
and keep tounge in mouth
Posted by: spammit | June 03, 2004 at 11:41 AM